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Remember That Dude Who Got Caught Fucking A Couch On The Side Of The Road? He Just Got Sentenced To A Lifetime Ban Of Porn

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NYDN – A Wisconsin man busted for having sex with a couch dumped on the street has been banned from watching porn for life. Gerard Streator also received a five-month suspended jail sentence Monday after pleading guilty to public lewdness in Waukesha County Circuit Court. Ryan Edwards was out jogging at 11 p.m. Sept. 3, 2012, when he spotted the 47-year-old Streator making out with the furniture. “I saw a subject leaning over the couch facing down, and it looked like he was having sexual relations with someone,” Edwards said. “I could see the male’s hips thrusting up and down on the couch.” Streator locked himself in his apartment, but was arrested the following day at the hotel where he worked. Also Monday, he was also placed on a year’s probation, reports The Smoking Gun.

Remember Gerard Streator? The dude who got caught banging the cushions of an abandoned couch? Well he met his fate yesterday, and it ain’t pretty. Porn ban for life. Probably the most excessive punishment I’ve ever heard of. Obviously for the average guy this is unenforceable. You can just stream all the porn you want like a normal person and you don’t need to “own” any pornography. But for a couch fucker like Gerard this is a big deal. These sexual deviants love their porn collections. They’re the guys with 900,000 gigs of porn on their harddrives and shit. Thousands of DVDs and stuff in their collection. Their porn is like their trophy. I mean if you think a guy who sticks his dick in between couch cushions in public doesn’t need his porn cataloged by the Dewey Decimal System so he can access whatever perverted shit he wants at all times, well then you just don’t know couch fuckers.

Might as well tar and feather him and lock him up in the stockade because this is about as cruel and unusual as punishment can get for a dude like Gerard Streator.