Barstool College Football Show Presented By FTX - Week 8 LIVE from Bloomington, INTUNE IN - 4PM ET

A Comprehensive Breakdown Of Porn Star Names

We’ve all been there. One minute we’re mindlessly browsing Pornhub and the next minute were obsessively analyzing the linguistic trends of pornographic stage names and tirelessly collecting data. Common man stuff.

According to Bustle, a porn name “must be commercially appealing, first and foremost, but it must also be easy to spell and should effectively represent the actor since, depending on potential popularity, this could be how they’ll be recognized by the masses after retirement and beyond.”

This obviously makes a lot of sense, but after non-sexually researching hundreds of different adult film stars, I discovered that, while many of them use stage names that are conventionally appealing or sexy, a large percentage of porn stars also pick names that are far from that. For example, here are three of the most common categories of porn star names and how attractive I find them:

Types of Weather (pretty sexy)

Stormy Daniels, Sunny Leone, Sunny Lane, Sydney Hail, Megan Rain, Romi Rain, Abbey Rain, Lyla Storm, Skylar Snow, Ember Snow, etc.

Boring Colors (not that sexy)

Angela White, Sasha Grey, Alex Grey, Tori Black, Karlee Grey, Owen Gray, Delotta Brown, Jasmine Grey, Indigo White, Brittney White, Aubrey Black, etc.

Multiple Boys (extremely not sexy)

Stormy Daniels, Dani Daniels, Gianna Michaels, Holly Michaels, Lily Adams, Ava Addams, Blair Williams, Addie Andrews, Lauren Phillips, etc.


EXHIBIT B: DIAGRAMS

Good/Spiritual vs. Bad/Evil vs. Foods/Drinks

NOTES:

*Isis Love’s real name is Alia Jones

*Johnny Sins’ real name is Steven Wolfe

*Eva Notty’s real name is Shawna Street, which sounds like even more of a porn name than Eva Notty


Classic Rock vs. Geographic Locations vs. Things That Are Speed

*Tesla Taylor made porn and automobile history when she posted a video on Pornhub of herself having sex in a Tesla Model X while it was on autopilot

*According to Boobpedia, Africa Sexxx “originally began her career in the adult industry as a stripper, but was fired from a club because the manager didn’t like the way that her breasts looked, complaining that they were too saggy.”

*Amongst other genres, Africa by Toto is officially categorized as a “soft rock” song

*Ron Jeremy is the only person in this diagram whose porn name is the same as his real name, although Jeremy is his middle name

*Jeremy by Pearl Jam was released in 1991 and received Grammy nominations for Best Rock Song and Best Hard Rock Performance


U.S. Presidents vs. Ground Dwellers vs. Gifts For A Spouse vs. Modes Of Transportation

*Although commonly associated with dead/old men, “U.S. Presidents” was strangely one of the most common categories for porn names, according to my findings

That’s all the data and information I have for now. You’re probably thinking that I’m obsessed with adderall and porn, and that’s because I am, but I promise I was completely sober and flaccid when I conducted this research.