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Great Grandma Kills a 5-Foot Cobra Outside Her Door

It is not something you expect to see in Falls Township, Bucks County, but it happened Monday.

A great-grandmother found a cobra on her patio but wasn’t going to wait around and do nothing until animal control arrived.

“I opened the door. I said a bad word. ‘It’s a cobra.’ I knew right away,” said Kathy Kehoe.

Kehoe said blue jays squawking led her to look outside her apartment door. That’s when she noticed the cobra.

She snapped a few photos first then, as the snake slithered away, the no-nonsense great grandmother grabbed her shovel and chased after the four to five-foot snake into the yard.

“He went this way. I stalked him and when he got over to here, I tapped his tail. He went up and that’s when I did the deed and held him there,” she said.

Kehoe thinks the venomous reptile may have been roaming around the apartment complex for months. Back in March, authorities removed 20 venomous snakes from a neighboring apartment, including 12 cobras.

I’m not the least bit shy of saying I could not have handled this the way my girl Kathy Kehoe did.

I’d admit I have a fear of snakes if I didn’t think it was a perfectly human reaction to be afraid of snakes. “Fear” of those things is about as irrational as “fear” of heights, since both will kill you dead. Gee, why would I be afraid of a 6o-inch long, fanged, venomous death cable that’s been menacing my species since the Garden of Eden? That’s not a phobia. That’s an instinct for self-preservation.

Though to be clear, I’m not hysterical about it. I might slam the door shut if I saw that thing slithering around on my back patio, lock it behind me, grab as many canned goods as I could carry and live up there for as long as it takes for it to die of old age before I come back down. But I’m not going to need to be put in an institution and given shock therapy or anything.

Think of my hatred of snakes to be manly and rational. Think Indiana Jones. Whereas Kathy is Jean Claude Van Damme in “Hard Target.”

All that said, there is nothing sexier than a woman who can handle herself in a crisis. More importantly, who can protect me in a crisis. I’m not normally attracted to the great-grandmother type. But if I found myself living in a place where the neighbors had 20 venomous snakes hauled out of their house and some were missing, I could shack up with her in a second. Show me a woman who knows her way around killing giant, slithering poisoned ropes with a shovel, and she’ll look like the Mother of Dragons to me.

And believe me, I’d gladly be the Jon Snow who slept with her to make her happy. So keep it up, Granny Kehoe, you sexy beast.