The Yankees Hold Off The Jays, But Holy Fuck Jonathan Holder Has To Be Shot Into The Sun

Toronto Blue Jays v New York Yankees

Yankees 10 Blue Jays 8

This should be a really happy, joyful blog. The Yankees offense beat up on the Jays and gave the team a beautiful 10-2 cushion. Things were awesome then. That’s when Boone opted to go with Jonathan Holder in the 8th. I mean you can’t hate on any move in a 10-2 game. Why are you on the pitching staff if you can’t pitch in an 8 run fucking baseball game. Now I don’t think Holder is worthy of being on any form of a professional baseball team, major or minors, but the Yankees clearly disagree.

So what happened with the Hold Man today? Immediate home run. Couldn’t have happened quicker. I was catching a second of the Michigan-Vandy College World Series game and missed it, it happened that quickly. Then? Single. Single. I think then tweeted that it would be impressive if he could fuck up an eight run lead. Almost like when Ron Burgandy isn’t mad, but instead impressed at Baxter for eating a whole wheel of cheese. Yeah, I said that as a joke. Holder said, “Watch me.” What followed was another single, loading the bases with zero outs. Three pitches later Freddy Galvis blasted a grand slam, cutting a once commanding eight run lead down to just three. I mean what the actual fuck?

Want to guess what Holder’s ERA is over his last six appearances? 21.94. 13 runs in 5 1/3 innings.


If Holder is on this team come morning then there’s some JFK conspiracy shit going on. He’s not a professional baseball pitcher. He’s not even a pitcher. Every time he comes in, bad things happen. Take Saturday for example when he served up a three run homer to surrender the lead. Enough with Jonathan Holder. I want no more of him. Send him to the sun. No more. Please. I beg of you. Thank God for Chad Green and Ottavino who cleaned up his mess or we might be talking about the worst loss of the season. Jesus Christ. Chapman had to close this out. You had six outs to work with an eight run game and couldn’t get an out. That’s impossible. Now the team had to use three relievers who had no business being in the game. Green was supposed to open tomorrow’s game. Who knows if he’ll still be good to go for that. So stupid.

Okay, now to the fun stuff where we talk about the amazing Yankees offense.

I find it rather amusing when pitchers think they have this lineup solved. They think surviving two times around the order is going to win them the game. If you manage to make it that far, tip of the cap to you, but your success ends there. A 2-0 lead quickly turned to a 10-2 deficit in a matter of minutes. That’s how fast it happens.

Hicks has been really struggling of late. He’s pretty much the only guy in the lineup who has been here over the last month and isn’t hitting. Over his last nine games he entered Monday hitting .133 with 0 homers and 0 rbis. Not great. With Judge and Edwin getting the night off, Boone slotted him in the 3 hole to give him some confidence. Hicks responded with a 3 run shot in the 5th to pull the Yankees in front. Dude has been battling some stuff this year, but maybe/hopefully that gets him going.

Until the homer the Yanks had been getting shutout, but you got the feeling the flood gates would open soon enough. It’s just too hard to keep these guys in check for nine innings.

One inning later it was 10-2. In the blink of an eye, over bettors were rich and the game was over. Well, of course until Jonathan Holder had his fun. Asshole.

Giancarlo unleashed his first bomb of the season to cap these off in the 6th. An absolute MOON SHOT. No less than 500 feet in my mind, I don’t care for what Statcast has to say about the matter.


People actually think Giancarlo makes this team worse? They think adding that kind of power and ferocity to an already lethal lineup would drag them down? What drugs are we taking people? It’s Giancarlo Stanton. Dude won us the game on Saturday with two ripped singles. His bomb on Monday gave the team just enough cushion for Jonathan Holder to pitch and not completely lose the game. We want Giancarlo in the lineup. He’s like our 5 or 6 hitter. That’s a joke. Who cares if he strikes out a few times? I don’t.

This is an unforgiving lineup. One that will make you rethink if you want to be a pitcher in the big leagues. One that you will cry about in your sleep the night before your start. 27 straight games with a homer. It’s not a streak I really put much value into, but anytime you’re setting an MLB record it’s something. Baseball has been around for a LONG time and the Yankees have tied the all time record consecutive games with a bomb. That’s pretty cool.

Run and hide. Run and hide. The Yankees are coming for you with no mercy. As long as Jonathan Holder doesn’t sniff the game.

P.S. That play by Gio to end the game was DISGUSTING.