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John Wayne Bobbitt Says Getting His Dick Chopped Off Was The Best Thing That Ever Happened

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Daily MailJohn Wayne Bobbitt suffered what was, to most men, the worst possible attack – having his penis sliced clean off. His prospects of surviving, let alone experiencing the joys of a fully-functioning manhood, looked incredibly bleak as he lost consciousness and began to lose vast quantities of blood. But shocking doctors and all who have followed the now infamous case, Mr Bobbitt, 46, went on to make a full recovery, has since slept with around 70 women – even worked as a porn star – and is now a devout Christian and hoping to marry for the third time. While he would not wish his horrific ordeal  – which still gives him nightmares 20 years after it happened – upon anybody, Mr Bobbitt cannot deny it has transformed his life. Speaking to The Sun, he said: ‘The doctors told me I would never be able to have sex again because my injuries were so bad. But I’ve proved them wrong time and time again. I believe I’ve slept with 70 women since the incident.’ He added: ‘Being the most famous man to have his penis chopped off does have its advantages. It definitely has not hurt my love life – in fact it improved it.’  One radio show even offered to pay for him to undergo penis enlargement surgery, which Mr Bobbitt says he jumped at. The second three-hour op added an extra two inches to the length and made it thicker. Bursting with confidence, Mr Bobbitt went on to form a band called The Severed Parts, moved to Las Vegas and starred in a number of adult sex films, including one called Frankenpenis. His celebrity lifestyle caught up with him however and he spiralled onto a dark path. Today, Mr Bobbitt insists his wayward life is all behind him; he has returned to his home town of Niagara Falls in New York; is a regular church-goer; makes a living as a carpenter and limo-driver and has finally found love.

John Wayne Bobbitt! You miracle dick, dog, you! Whats that old saying? When life hands you lemons, make lemonade? Well thats exactly the same thing here except its like “When your crazy ass wife chops your dick off, you might as well go fuck 70 chicks with your reattached dick and become a male porn star.” Thats just about the best possible way to handle being known as the dude who got his cock chopped off and thrown in a field.

I mean honestly, this dude’s life sounds pretty fucking awesome post-dick removal/attachment. Bangin tons of broads. Playing in a band in Vegas. Radio stations giving him free inches of cock. Starring in your own movie called FRANKENPENIS?? Talk about cocktail material. Imagine rolling into parties telling tales like John Wayne Bobbitt? Dick severed, lead singer, starred in movies. Guy is living the dream. I’m not saying I’d ever be willing to get my dick chopped off in exchange for all the awesomeness that followed in JWB’s life. I’m just saying in the event you gotta lose a couple inches off your cock, the way to rebound is to do exactly what he did.