Don't You Dare Tell This Guy He Doesn't Know How To Make Kool-Aid


Smoking GunA Florida man allegedly struck his disabled father several times on the head during an argument about how to make Kool-Aid. Brandon Antron Crosley, 22, was arrested Wednesday following the violent confrontation in the Cocoa apartment he shares with his father Greg. According to a Cocoa Police Department report, Crosley fled the residence after attacking his kin, who was hit “two or three times in the head.” Crosley was subsequently apprehended at a neighboring apartment. Greg Crosley, 48, told a cop that his son “was making Kool-Aid and was doing it wrong,” so he “attempted to give Brandon advice on how to properly prepare the drink.” The ensuing “verbal altercation,” an investigator noted, “became physical when Brandon began to punch Greg in the head with closed fist.” The police report does not specify how Crosley was improperly preparing the Kool-Aid. The elder Crosley told an officer that he has been permanently disabled since a 2004 auto accident, and needs a cane when he walks. Brandon Crosley was charged with felony domestic violence and booked into the Brevard County jail, where he is being held in lieu of $1000.

Listen, pops. I applaud your efforts at fatherhood here. If your story is true, you displayed a great deal of patience instructing your son on the correct way to prepare Kool-Aid. But you might as well have called him Uncle Tom. I don’t know what the racial version of “emasculating” is called, but telling a 22 year-old black man he doesn’t know how to make Kool-Aid is exactly that. The last place Brandon expects his blackness to be questioned is in his own kitchen by his own dad. Especially in the most condescending way possible. If you’re Chinese, you know how to use chop sticks. If you’re Jewish, you can spin a dradle. If you’re black, you can mix a delicious concoction of sugar, water and purple. Saying otherwise is insanely insulting. I don’t care how many times Brandon unloaded on your gimpy dome, pops – you’re the one who owes an apology. You got what you deserved.