In A Bad Look For God, Two Giraffes Were Killed By Lightning

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Three takeaways from this story. First, the plural of giraffe can either be giraffe OR giraffes. Not something cool like gireefe, or giraffen. Annoying, right? Two: you can’t tell a giraffe to take cover from a lightning storm; they have to want it. And three: there is no God. In case you needed definitive proof that God doesn’t exist, look no further than two giraffes that were killed dead by a one-in-a-billion lightning strike. Come on Yahweh! Slow day up there? Had to start sniping giraffes? Grab a snickers oh heavenly father.

Of course if there’s any animal that would die from lightning, it’s the giraffe. Evolution didn’t exactly do the giraffes any lightning-protection favors. Like building your own player in Madden, whoever built the giraffe maxed out on height and had nothing left for quickness/lightning evasiveness. So you’re left with some preposterous receiver that can only run hail mary routes and may catch a pass here or there, provided it’s single coverage and the quarterback puts enough air under the ball. Boban in an Eagles helmet. Goofy as hell.

Slow start this Thursday. I’ll pick it up. These late finals games are killing me.