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If You Throw At The Chicago Javy's You Will Get Your Ass Beat

The Cubs absolutely fucking destroyed the Colorado Rockies today which makes it a 1-2 series loss for the boys. Whatever. The Rockies are really good at home and blah blah blah. Normally I run through my major observations from the game but for now I just want to get some shit off my chest: The Rockies can’t stop hitting the Cubs and it’s really starting to piss me off.

Follow me on this brief oral history to get on The Same Page

First – it’s an oral history because MLB doesn’t want you to know that this happened today. They want all this footage burned and destroyed like it’s East Berlin circa 1946. No video record of this will make it’s way to your face so open your imagination.

Next – Kris Bryant got injured last year when he got drilled in the face by the Rockies. He went from being a top 5 player prior to the injury to complete replacement level for the remainder of the season. Naturally, I blame a lot of last season’s woes on the Rockies for being dicks.

Yesterday – KB got drilled 2 times again. So that’s 3 times in the last 3 games he’s played in Coors Field and personally that’s wayyyyy too many. Just can’t do that to one of the World’s Best.

Today – Cole Hamels drilled noted Psychopath Nolan Arenado in the forearm. He flopped around like a bitch and said some shit to Hamels down the baseline. It was a lot of theatre for a 90mph fastball but whatever. We all moved on. I speculated the Cubs would get one in the 7th.

Top of The 7th Inning – I was right. Bryan Shaw drilled Cole Hamels in the foot like a little pussy. Also, Bryan Shaw is the guy who blew game 7 for the Indians so maybe he’s extra salty about that still? I’d be. You imagine blowing game 7 of the World Series doesn’t go away any time soon.

Anyways, Hamels goes to first without incidence because he’s not a Flaming Pussy.

Top of the 8th Inning – Flaming Pussy and Rockies pitcher Philip Diehl enters the game. He immediately drills Anthony Rizzo. Keep in mind no ejections have been made at this point, just how we like it. Let the boys play.

Rizzo laughed, walked down to first, then let Javy Baez do his thing. Take a wild guess what that looks like:

Exactlty. It looks like a goddamn trip to Mars at Mach 1 speeds. People forget –  not a lot of shortstops break the sound barrier with 2-strikes.

Naturally this gets me and every other Cubs’ fan very excited. We don’t like watching our guys get drilled but we do love watching Cole drill Nolan and Javy silencing the entire stadium. You figure after that Yabo, the whole thing can just die. And whether it’s Malicious or not on the Rockies (I know it’s not that intentional), you still have to retaliate. And now that it’s done, we can all move on with our lives.

Other Series Notes:

+ This snapped an 11 game home win streak for the Rockies

+ 4 straight games coming up against the Dodgers

+ 7-5 record in June

+ Cole Hamels has thrown 22 scoreless innings to start June with 23 strikeouts against 4 walks and 11 hits.

+ Cubs improve to 14-18 on the road and 15-12 in day games. Both of those are pretty shitty and can get better.

+ Rotation for Dodgers: Lester, Hendricks, Quintana, Darvish

+ Dodgers Rotation: Kershaw, Hill, Buehler, Ryu which means this should look, taste and feel like an NLCS