Yes The Rumors Are True

Its official, folks. The rumors are true. I’m off the market. The paparazzi caught me on Saturday night where everyone was celebrating this Barstool Engagement. I think it was more like all the guys in the bar were celebrating the fact that I’m no longer single and now they can finally get laid. Now that I’m out of the game they have a shot to score too. All the women in the place were crying. Including my fiance. Probably because she saw my dance moves/saw her future with me circling around the drain, but I’m just gonna say they were tears of joy.

I puked all over the side of the building next to the bar at the end of the night, by the way. Haven’t done that in about 10 years so I figured the appropriate time to do so would be on a night celebrating settling down with one vagina for the rest of my life. All class over here baby.

PS – I am absolutely the best dancer at Barstool. I’m not saying this Vine of my is impressive. Not my best work. But I’d bet my life I’m a better dancer than the rest of the idiots. Even Mo.

(Tommy, I think its time to change your name on Twitter. The Tickle Monster is not a good look)

UPDATE: How could I forget to post the infamous Wedding Dance Moves pictures from a couple years ago?