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I Made A Couple New Rules For Society And I Think Everyone Needs To Read Them

On the new episode of KFC Radio (out now with Lisa Ann, you may have heard of her) I make some great rules. Three, to be exact. One is that you don’t have to have an official breakup conversation unless you know your “significant other’s” middle name, anything before that is just hooking up and ghosting is legal. Second rule? Websites that force you to have more difficult passwords to log-in should tell you that they made you make one of those annoying passwords. It should just be a little note near “Forgot password?” that says “hey we’re one of those fucky sites so capitalize the first letter of your usual password and add an exclamation point at the end,” because that’s what I assume everyone does on those.

The most important rule, however, was this one: you get TWO texts. Texts are like sneezes, one is great, two is normal, three you’re causing a scene and annoying. There’s nothing more insufferable than trying to relax or trying to do something else on your phone and you get caught in a text avalanche, buzz after buzz after grating buzz.

I’ll say that this video is edited a bit and doesn’t make my argument entirely, because I also don’t want one big paragraph. I don’t want either because you don’t need either because what you’re saying isn’t very important. I don’t care who you are, if it’s a text message than it’s not important and not deserving of a shitload of one line texts or one big paragraph. It was important than you’d send it in an email, David. You’d make a phone call. You’d schedule a meeting. You’d put it in a notarized letter. You’d do anything other than send it via iMessage. And guess what? Even if you did any of those things then what you’re saying still probably isn’t important because 98% of conversations that happen in the world aren’t necessary. Everyone thinks that everything they say is life or death but the fact of the matter is that you’re not needed and neither are the things you say.

So, take that information and condense your thoughts. Say them in a few words, make your point, and be done with it.