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KFC Radio Advice Hour - Whats The Best Way To Shit At A Party?

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Stoolie advice hour on KFC Radio this week – whats the best way to shit when you’re at a crowded house party and there’s only one bathroom. Now lets be clear, everybody poops. So when push comes to shove if you gotta blow up that toilet and napalm that bathroom, thats what you gotta do. But in the event that you’re trying to hook up with some chick at that party or you know there’s some smoke waiting in line for the bathroom next, you gotta have some plan of attack.

First line of defense – when the guy before you walks out of the bathroom, as you walk in, turn to everyone else and make a face like he was the one that blew up the bathroom. Do a little gag and cover your nose and make sure you convey “This dude just shit all over this bowl.” Now you’ve already planted the seed that it wasn’t you shitting in the first place. Once you’re in there, obviously open all windows and turn on any ventilation fans. Check for air freshener – if you’ve got it, keep that shit in your non-wiping hand, ready to roll. Once on the bowl you shit as hard and as fast as you can, and the MOMENT you hear that water plop, you flush. You can even start the flush a half second early so all your shit falls into an already swirling bowl. Yes your butt gets some nasty splash back, but the less time that expires between shit leaving your butt and going down the pipes the better. Keep the air freshener spray going as long as you can. Finally when you wash you hands try to suds up with soap as much as possible. Get that lavender smell wafting if you can. The more number of scents in the air, the better chance your shit smell gets lost in the mix.

And if it still smells like shit when you walk out act like you’ve been gagging the whole time as you pissed because you already laid the foundation the last guy has turned that bathroom into a sewer.