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Wildwood, New Jersey Makes It Illegal To Sag Your Pants

WILDWOOD, N.J.Mayor Ernest Troiano Jr. thinks he’s found a way to put one of this Jersey shore resort town’s problems behind it. Wildwood is ready to ban overly saggy pants, no ifs, ands or butts. The city is set to pass a law Wednesday regulating how people dress on its boardwalk. It bans going shirtless, as well as walking on the boardwalk with bare feet. But the provision that has gained widespread attention is a prohibition on pants that sag more than 3 inches below the hips, exposing either skin or underwear. Troiano said Wildwood has been inundated with complaints from tourists upon whose money the popular beach town depends for its survival. “When you have good families who call you up and say, `I’ve been coming here 20 years, 30 years, 40 years and I’m not going to any longer because I’m not going to subject my children or my parents or grandparents to seeing some kid walk down the boardwalk with their butt hanging out,’ you have to do something,” he said. “I’m not one of the Fruit of the Loom underwear inspectors; I’m not one of the grapes. I don’t want to see it.” Neither does Frank Krueger, of Gloucester City, N.J., who has been coming to Wildwood with his wife, Denise, for decades. Together, they had spent about $80 on pizza and games of chance in two hours of strolling the boards. “You want a family atmosphere here,” he said. “You don’t want to see someone walking around with their butt crack hanging out. On the beach is one thing, but not here on the boardwalk.”

Oh Wildwood. There’s so many more things to fix ahead of the pants sagging epidemic. Wildwood is like the focal point of some sort of white trash Bermuda Triangle between Philly, Delaware and Atlantic City. An unholy trinity of people who say “wudder” for water and have probably, at the very least, thought about selling meth. Its like standard white trash mixed with Philly trash mixed with Atlantic City old people. You guys should just be happy people are wearing pants at all. Beggars can’t be choosers and complaining about where Wildwood people wear their pants is just a little too choosy for Wildwood, NJ.