WSJ – New York is a competitive, competitive town. This we know. Some of this competitiveness is healthy. Some of it is ridiculous. People in this city can be competitive about careers, salaries, education, apartments, restaurants, fashion, pets, pet fashion—it never truly stops. One could argue that daily life in New York City is itself a competition—the race to get out the door, the secret race on the sidewalk (oh, you didn’t know about that?), the scramble for the train, for your caffeine jet fuel, and then to the elevator, the desk, the computer, the email. If you’re reading this column in New York, you’re probably rushing to finish it first. You’ve probably already left work and are on your way to yoga. Good for you. I hope you win yoga. Finally New York’s absurd competitive spirit has been quantified…and we are dominating! A study by the Economist Intelligence Unit, sponsored by Citigroup, found New York to be to be the most competitive city on the planet. It evaluated areas like economic strength and financial maturity and the type of cheese you keep in the fridge (at least I think that was a category) and determined that this city is still a thrilling and wildly competitive sandbox. The experts concluded that New York will remain earth’s most competitive city into 2025. It is not clear if they considered the Mets. So we’re No. 1. Hooray for us—and pass the stress ball and the vodka tonics. London ranked second on the most-competitive-in-2025 index. Steak knives, London! Singapore was third. Chicago was ninth. Boston finished 19th, just barely squeaking into the playoffs.
Well I guess that explains me heading up to Boston and competing on pure guts and guile a couple weeks ago. Standing there at 6’0, 195 pounds of bones and fat, in the 100 degree heat on the road, stomach full of donuts and Gatorade, and I just competed my balls off. Because I’m a competitive New Yorker. The most competitive city in the world.
Give me a fucking break. What a dumbass article. This study should be renamed “Cities where everyone is obsessed with other people.” Thats really all thats meant by competitive here. Just because you’re jealous of the dude who makes more money than you or the guy who fucks hotter chicks than you or the couple with the apartment that is bigger than you doesn’t mean you’re competitive. It means you’re most likely just a jealous bitter bitch. When you’re rushing through the streets and pushing through to get to the subway it doesn’t mean you’re competitive. It means you’re an annoying impatient asshole. New York ain’t the Sex and the City, Wall Street movie every asshole dreams off. You’re not gonna become rich and famous. We’re all just here to basically do the same thing – make some money and get some ass. Some people get a lot of both. Some people don’t get a lot at all. And I’ve found that no matter how much you get, there’s always someone who’s getting more. So you might as well just quit comparing yourself to the next guy with a bigger paycheck or a bigger apartment or a bigger dick. Because, believe it or not, there’s probably some poor dude with a tiny dick who actually is jealous of you. And theres a whole slew of people all over the world who aren’t jealous of any of us in New York City paying the rent we’re paying running the stupid rat race we’re running.