New York Signs Deal With Satan, Becomes First State To Ban The Declawing Of Cats

The Hill- The New York state legislature has voted to pass a measure that would make it the first state in the country to ban the declawing of cats.

The law seeks to ban onychectomy, or declawing, on cats in the state except for in cases where it is needed to address a “physical medical condition” that “compromises the cat’s health,” the bill’s text states.

However, the bill states that it would outlaw the procedure for “cosmetic or aesthetic reasons or reasons of convenience in keeping or handling the cat.”

If the law is passed, veterinarians who violate it could face a fine of up to $1,000.

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Whelp, dust off those tetanus shots and prepare to see a ton of destroyed furniture sitting on the curb for pickup. New York cats just got a new lease on life. If banning assault rifles is a sticking point for proponents of gun control, onychectomy should be a cause that all humans can get behind. I’m taking the Barstool line here against cats, not because it’s company policy but because it’s sound practice. I hate cats. They’re the pit bulls of cats. If that doesn’t make sense to you, you probably say stuff like “the only thing that can stop a bad cat with claws is a good cat with claws.” Friends: an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. If we allow one cat to claw our eyes out while sleeping, soon, the entire world will be sightless. ‘Tis a slippery slope.

Inhumane to take their claws away? How can you be inhumane to something that hates the human race? The inhumane thing is to let the devil’s foot soldiers maraud the earth with Swiss army knives in their feet. And look at all these cat enthusiasts talking about “if you don’t want the claws, don’t get the cat.” That’s absurd. I like Indian food but I make sure to tell them I want it mild. Indian food can be extremely spicy and painful. But it doesn’t have to be. With a small tweak, you can enjoy Indian food in comfort. You’re still eating Indian/cat, but you’re no longer at risk.

This is one of those blogs where I’d be very surprised to find anyone still reading it.

It’s disappointing to learn that Seth MacFarlene is a cat guy. I like him. Voice of an angel, brilliant mind. Like finding out that one of your favorite musicians stomps turtles. Oh well, I’d still watch Ted 3 on Epix or something.

I guess I’ll end there. I give this blog 2 paws WAY down. Christ.