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Paddington Bears Nearly Extinct Because Poachers Want Their Penis Bones: Score One For The Pooh Crew

Penis poaching of the spectacled bear could result in the species going extinct if demand grows for the special “sex potion” that people make with its private parts.

According to National Geographic, some people in South America claim the “sex drink” can cure sexual performance problems if it contains just a scraping of a spectacled bear’s penis bone.

Some people also believe that the beverage can give you the strength of a whole bear if you put the entire penis bone in the concoction.

The “sex drink” is called Seven Roots and is said to be made of white rum, seven types of tree bark, honey, pollen, a snake’s head, the huanarpo macho plant and a spectacled bear’s penis bone.

Read the second to last paragraph again. Read it a third time. I need to meet these people. I need to sit them down in a nice little quiet diner, order them an egg omelet, allow them to finish their meal and then kick my elbows up on the table whilst putting my chin in my hands and say, “dish. tell me about how Paddington bear’s cock gives you the strength of a little bear, you freaky little fuck.”

Because even if this were true, why pick the pussiest bear? Get a grizzly. Get a black bear. Get Battlestar Galactica. Hell, get a polar bear. Just don’t pick the tiniest little bear in the entire animal kingdom.

The poachers won’t do that though because they are cowards. Im so against poaching that I wont even eat eggs benedict.

Used that joke twice now. The first time was on today’s zbt. Have I mentioned that we had some people who are fighting poachers in Africa? Well. We did. Support the troops. Support ZBT. Support Kate. Support Cons. Support Radio Bren so I dont have to fire him again.

Anyway, Pooh > Paddington

TURN UP