I just can’t sit here quietly while my boss is brutally assaulted by a guy that has no right to do so outside of the fact that he is devilishly handsome.
I think what has been left out of the conversation is what happened last night could also be considered a pre-meditated hate crime. In the past, I have infiltrated many anti-semitic secret society meetings in order to expose their evil ways and procure free drinks, and this gentleman, or others like him, have always sat at the high table.
So a victory for me will be a victory for Dave… A victory for Barstool… AND a victory for Jews everywhere.
Clear eyes, full heart, can’t lose, asshole.
Take a report.
* I am going to need $100k cash in order to fight with clear eyes and a full heart… NON-NEGOTIABLE, so don’t even ask me.
** I will also need a “gout clause” built into the contract, in case I have a flare-up near fight time.