20-1 UNDERDOG ANDY “THE MEXICAN ROCKY” RUIZ HAS JUST SHOCKED THE WORLD, KNOCKING ANTHONY JOSHUA DOWN FOUR TIMES IN THEIR MAIN EVENT CONTEST AT MADISON SQUARE GARDEN, CAUSING THE REFEREE TO STEP IN AND DECLARE HIM THE (SORTA) NEW HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!!! OH MY GOD!!!
I’m legitimately in shock. I’m insanely happy, because I feel like I just truly witnessed boxing history – truly Buster Douglas/Mike Tyson type shit – and you don’t get to say that every day…and also because Anthony Joshua stood Dave up on a pizza review so fuck that guy, but still…I’m in shock. This tubby mothafucka Andy Ruiz just went into that squared circle like a man possessed, head down, and came forward swinging like a true Mexican boxer, and he beat the living brakes off of Joshua! Beat the brakes off him! Joshua practically fuckin quit to end the fight! The referee came over asking if he was good and he gave no response, looking at his corner like he wanted out. Bananas.
Ruiz now becomes the first Mexican-American to hold the heavyweight championship, so congratulations to him on that amazing accomplishment as well! He seemed so happy. Hopefully he never fights Deontay because I like him.
Large is without a laptop right now, but texted me, and said “I haven’t seen such an out of shape champion since George Foreman won a belt at the age of 45.”
I’m sure he’ll have more on this soon, though, or discuss it on Barstool Breakfast next week, so definitely look out for that.
WHAT A NIGHT FOR UNITS!!! Oh yeah and the Drake Curse has never been more real than it is right now…
UPDATE: Here’s some of the post-fight tweets from our world/memes from the night…