Lower East Side Resident Says Adult Kickball League In The Neighborhood Is Worse Than Gangs And Heroin

LOWER EAST SIDE — When Karen Gehres bought an apartment across from P.S. 142 five years ago, she knew she would hear the sounds of children at play — but she did not anticipate the racket of screaming adults. Gehres has started a petition against the adult kickball league that uses the school’s courts at Delancey and Attorney streets most weeknights and every Saturday. The noise of the players, as well as the buzz and bright lights from generators of the Notwork Network Society and NYC Social Sports Club’s games, is stifling summer evenings, according to Gehres and other residents. “I have lived in the neighborhood when there were gangs running around, heroin, but this is one of the most annoying, obnoxious things,” said Gehres, a Lower East Side resident for more than 30 years. “It is a very frat-house behavior. I don’t want to insult children and say it is childish — these are adults screaming, trying to relive their youth or something.”  “First, it started off two or three years ago with a few grown-ups playing,” explained Gehres’ husband Phil Penman, 35. “Then, slowly it became stadium lighting, adults screaming their heads off, and it got later and later. Sometimes they play until 10 or 11 at night.” Since launching the petition four weeks ago, Gehres said she has gained signatures from every apartment in her building that faces P.S. 142, totaling about 40. Gehres is also vying for support from Community Board 3, to which she will present the issue at a committee meeting Thursday. “This goes on from the minute the weather is nice — you can’t open your windows or hear yourself think in your own apartment,” she added.

By now its been made abundantly clear that I’ve never participated on any of these intramural teams. I’m kinda on the fence about these weirdos. On the one hand its awesome to get out there and play something easy like kickball or softball or cornhole or whatever. Go to the bar after and get a little shitfaced. Nothin wrong with that. Those are wildly popular, tons of people sign up for them. But then there are certain people and certain teams and certain leagues that I think are kinda like a cult. Like Zog Sports diehards who take this shit way to seriously. Those are the kinda people who weird me out. There’s always one guy on every squad who sends out team emails and wants to schedule practices and kick people off the team and shit like that. Those people are assholes. I think I’m with this uptight bitch Karen Gehres when it comes to those clowns – I’d rather be surrounded by gangs and heroin and shit than Zog sports hardos who think anybody else gives a fuck about their Tuesday night kickball team. Then again I’d probably just wanna be surrounded by heroin in general rather than play kickball after finding out the way I move these days.

PS – Barstool is playing in a charity kickball tournament later this month. I can’t wait to just get shitfaced and stand in right field. I think I should just be the coach or something.