In What May Be The Biggest Lie Ever Told, Carlos Correa Broke a Rib During a "Massage At His Home"

American League Division Series Game 2: Cleveland Indians v. Houston Astros

I mean that’s just the biggest lie of all time. You broke a rib during a message? Yesssss and I have a full head of hair. I’m willing to believe Yoenis Cespedes actually stepped into a hole on his farm and did not fall off a horse breaking his ankle than this. I’ll believe Dustin Johnson fell down stairs at the US Open instead of doing cocaine more than this story. There’s no way a PR team of real people sat down and said, “Yup, we’ve got it. Let’s go with a massage, that’s plausible. Happens all the time. Problem solved. Classic broken rib.” I almost have to respect the lack of effort in covering this up.

What are talking about here? Even if he was getting the most aggressive Bob Kraft massage possible from Mia Malkova, you don’t break your rib doing that. Shout out to the best baseball injury ever: Marty Cordova falling asleep in a tanning bed and burning his face. Incredible.

And of course, here’s some Constanza.