Twitter Thread Discussing The Weapons Women Carry For Protection While Jogging Is Very Illuminating

A group chat where women list the weapons they strap on for a jog. “In case you wondered what being a woman was like.” As a feminist, I am offended. Do all these women live in bad neighborhoods, jog after dark, on a route that winds past stash houses and drug corners and sex trafficking hot spots? Are they running through The Wire? This tweet is bait, and I’m taking it.

“You don’t know what it’s like because you’re not a woman.”

Maybe, but I am a jogger. And in 15 odd years of jogging, I’ve never once seen a woman run down by some would-be assailant and thought gosh, if only she’d worn her Aasics with the boot knife in the toe. How unprepared! How woefully naïve to the perversions of humanity! Why haven’t I seen it? Because I don’t jog through horrifyingly unsafe neighborhoods with no electricity after dark. Because, you know, I’m not a moron.

“Some women don’t have a choice where and when they run, based on their work schedules and where they live.”

Right, ok. In that case, join a gym and use a treadmill. Or find another way to get that heartrate up. The point is, if you have to arm yourself for ANY activity other than WAR, you should avoid that activity! Man, woman, child, doesn’t matter. If I were a 120-pound woman and I knew that getting my groceries at Trader Joe’s during peak hours entailed an all-out brawl over the Jersey corn, I would get my corn elsewhere. Or at a different time. Or I’d find a different complex carbohydrate.

I understand that the risks of being attacked while jogging are higher for women. But there are places where I would never run myself, regardless of my size or gender. Being mugged/attacked while running isn’t a women-specific problem; it’s a lack-of-common-sense problem.

“The real issue is that men need to learn to leave women alone while they’re jogging.”

YES! AGREED ! Do you know how much it fucking sucks talking to someone while you’re jogging? Trying to breathe evenly and not sound like you’re dying while having a conversation? Fuck. That. Ladies, I can assure you that the VAST majority of men are NOT trying to talk to you, confront you, or attack you while you’re running. Running is hard enough already. So the problem, to me, is not that “men” are ignoring barriers and forcing women to bring weapons when they run; the problem is that rapists and criminals are doing that. And the best way to avoid falling victim to those monsters? Run at times and in places where they don’t tend to hang out.

In sum: you don’t need a set of brass knuckles to jog along the Hudson River park at 7PM on a summer evening. You don’t need a can of mace to prep for that Chicago half-marathon when you’re running along Lake Michigan on a Sunday morning. You might need a glock if you’re huffing it down that 5k “trail” through Hyde Park, St. Louis at 3AM. Avoid it.

PS:

Are you… are you fucking serious? My brain is going into safe mode. If you’re wondering why people hate pit bulls, it’s because people like Autumn and Elizabeth USE THEM AS WEAPONS—literally—while jogging. You can’t make this shit up! I feel like I’m taking crazy pills.

PPS-

LOLLLLLL FUUUUUUCK YOU BUDDY. Something tells me this guy’s dream is to be run over by some misogynist driving a Hummer, to prove his stalwart support of women runners. I hope you get your wish, buddy.