Polish Town Finally Sees Winnie The Pooh For Who He Really Is; An Inappropriately Dressed Hermaphrodite

NBC – BREAKING: Winnie the Pooh is a hermaphrodite, exposes himself in public, and has no business being around children. Officials in the Polish town of Tuszyn (around 87 miles southwest of Warsaw) were deciding on a mascot for its town playground, when the classic children’s character was suggested as a candidate. They decided to rule Winnie out, because he’s an “inappropriately dressed” bear of “dubious sexuality.”…”It doesn’t wear underpants because it doesn’t have a sex. It’s a hermaphrodite.” According to the Croatian Times, members of the Tuszyn town council were having this totally reasonable conversation about Winnie’s biological sex and choice of outerwear when one of them decided it was worth recording and leaking to media.

Gonna be completely honest here for a second, this story completely threw my brain into a blender. I’ve gone my entire life never questioning the sex of Winnie The Pooh. He’s always been a dude to me and I’ve never had any reason to even think about the off chance that he’s not. But this Polish city council just brought up a huge point that for some reason nobody else has ever had the balls to bring up (kind of pun intended). What the hell is Winnie The Pooh? Is it a guy, is it a girl, is it both? I’ve never once in my life seen Winnie The Pooh’s dick. Not once. Been growing up with Winnie for years now, you’d think I’d at least notice it at some point. And I’m not really sure how bear dicks work since I’ve never had the need to look it up. But if Winnie actually has a dick, then yeah maybe he should throw on a pair of pants if he’s about to be the mascot of a town playground. Dudes walking around little kids with no pants on typically doesn’t fly no matter what country you’re living in. I don’t know how to feel about this but shame on NBC for laughing this story off as if its not a legitimate debate to be had. I’m still totally on board with Winnie The Pooh being a man and there’s not a ton of evidence to overturn that, but there’s also not a ton of evidence to confirm either. For me, the ruling on the field stands but I wouldn’t be surprised if a little further down the road we find out he’s a tranny or some shit. As long as they don’t try to Hello Kitty us and say that Winnie The Pooh isn’t even a bear, I’ll be fine with whatever the final outcome is I guess. Still though, hats off to Poland for having the courage to at least start the debate.