If I Were A Mets Fan, This Tweet Would Make Me Very Angry

I understand the title here is slanting click baity… just please know that I wrestled with it for a while. Even scratching my head – Should I go with a Bobby Bonilla picture / header?  Nahhhhh. He’s not relevant outside of the one or two times a year the national media gets a reminder that he’s still on contract with the Mets. The story is good but I also need to get some clicks. Maybe Cody Bellinger should lead was the natural counter thought. But then I remember writing a blog about him yesterday and people were like Eh that’s not an interesting blog even though it was one of the most impressive outfield throws I’ve ever seen. Whatever. I can’t make people care. I can only control what I can control, like the title and header of the blog. And obviously Cody Bellinger isn’t moving the needle around here.

Faced with indecision, I went back to my training, which is really just 2 key pieces of Big Cat advice: Try not to be too mean to anyone directly and Don’t personally talk shit to our sponsors. 

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Neither of those really fit into the present situation but I still figured it was better than nothing. So with Big Cat’s advice in mind, I decided to target Mets’ fans but not seriously with the title to this blog. More like a Woah. Sucks to be you kind of vibe. And I was truthful – I really wouldn’t want to read that tweet about Bobby Bonilla if I were a Mets fan either. It would bother me immensely.

So technically it’s a truthful headline from a good place that’s meant to engage a specific group while also drawing attention to non Mets Fans. The explicit use of the word “Tweet” is my subtle way of telling The Reader (you) that only brief attention will be required to slug through this blog.

After all it’s just a tweet, Rich…

…you tell your Uncle Rich as you read the Barstool blog titles out loud to him. Your Mom’s brother lost his eyesight 6 years ago while doing unlicensed electrical contracting work and now hangs out around the house during the day for the AC and companionship. Rich wasn’t much of a reader before the accident but ever since he’s become a big fan of books on tape and podcasting. His personal favorite though is when his closest niece (you) reads Barstool blogs out loud to him.

You start at the top under Latest. You’ve been meaning to add to your Favorites but you just haven’t gotten around to it in between reading all these blogs to Rich and drinking Icehouse with your friends. I’ll do it on Monday you think. Lost in your thoughts, Rich recaptures the moment.

HEY JAG OFF HOW ABOUT THOSE BLOGS? I CAN’T FUCKIN SEE

Sorry Uncle Rich. Here’s one –  The Legend Of Twitter’s Horniest Catfish

NOOOOOOOOO. Rich hates seafood.

Oh here’s one.  Jon Snow Checks Into “Luxury Rehab” Because Game Of Thrones Messed Him Up So Bad Mentally. 

Mmmmmmmmm. Yes.

Rich audibly moans. Season 2 of GOT was his last favorite TV show before the accident. He asks you to read it, but slowly.

You methodically move through Kmarko’s blog with an emphasizing cadence to help Rich distinguish the quotes in real time. But you don’t tell him it’s a Kmarko blog because Rich likes to play Guess That Blogger at the end. He’s never guessed right but you still let Rich play because he can no longer see Guess That Ass since going blind and you don’t have the stomach to tell him we discontinued it years ago. So instead, you tell Rich that the asses aren’t as good as they used to be. He knows you’re lying but more importantly Rich knows you’re doing it to protect his feelings.

You’re a good friend, and I wrote the title of this blog with you in mind.

I hope Rich asks you to read it.

PS – That Bobby Bonilla contract never gets old.