Tom Brady Can Chug a Beer, Proving Once Again He's Better Than Aaron Rodgers

Dear Lord, Aaron Rodgers. I’m not a hater but this was a disgrace. In one of the true beer capitals of the United States, no less. The home of Miller High Life, “The Beer That Made Milwaukee Famous.” And the Shotz Brewery:

What kind of a cultural icon are you? What kind of face of the city can’t finish the product that city wants to be known for? What’s next? Is he going to puke up a Brat right in front of the people he’s supposed to represent.

And more to the point, is there a thing Aaron Rodgers can do better than Tom Brady? Considering this:

And that’s from a guy who has about one beer for every 365 banana smoothies made by taking both ends off the banana and throwing them in the trash because apparently they’re poison. And still he can drink Rodgers under the table so fast it’s pathetic.

Which begs the question, is there anything Rodgers can do as well as Brady? Most people will say “run.” But when Rodgers was sacked 51 times last year to Brady’s 24 times and his Sack Percentage was 7.6% to Brady’s 3.6%, who in their right mind would be willing to die on the hill of that argument.

What about clutch performances? Nope. Rodgers isn’t winning that battle:

And even the biggest Rodgers fanboy/fangirl suck up (looking at you, Liz) will have to concede that Brady not only survives this dragon fire:

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He uses his pocket sense to step away from the flames, buy time, grabs the nearest prolate spheroid brick, guns a perfect spiral right through Drogon’s heart and takes the Iron Throne for his own.

And did I mention six rings versus only one? I guess I buried the lede but it counts. The beer chugging thing though is the most glaring difference between the two. Rodgers should probably just retire now because he’ll never live down being outchugged by his older, handsomer, superior.