4th of July Collection | Now Available at the Barstool StoreSHOP HERE

Advertisement

Former IT Worker Claims To Be Jesus Reborn And Says He Remembers The Crucifixion

MSN – Has Jesus returned as a former IT guy in Queensland, Australia? Alan John Miller, whose religious movement, Divine Truth, is attracting followers from around the world, says he’s Jesus and his partner, Mary Luck, is Mary Magdalene. “I have very clear memories of the crucifixion, but it wasn’t as harrowing for me as it was for Mary and others who were present,” he told Sky News, adding that being “one with God” helped him manage the pain. Miller, who leads seminars, insists he’s not a cult leader, but isn’t bothered by doubters. “There were lots of people in the first century who didn’t believe I was the Messiah … in fact I died at the hands of some of them.

You think Jesus would pick some IT asshole as the person he’d want to be reincarnated into? For sure not. I mean I know he works in mysterious ways. And I know he would pick someone who you’d least expect. Its like in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade when Indy realizes the cup Jesus drank from would be a small, understated wooden cup, not a fancy chalice. Jesus wouldn’t pick some world leader to make his return.

But Jiminy fucking Cricket theres no chance he’d pick an IT loser. No fucking way. Pretty much nobody on the planet likes people who work in IT. The last group of people on earth I’d ever follow or believe in are those idiots. You go up to the IT Messiah and ask for forgiveness or guidance and he’d just tell you to unplug everything or try restarting. Those clowns are zero fucking help and Jesus’ whole shtick is helping people. I know he performs miracles but there’s just no way he’d return in the form of Alan Miller, IT specialist.

PS – How about these fucking asshole claiming the Crucifixion was worse for Mary Magdalene and everyone watching? Yea ok bro. Sure thing. Getting nailed to a fucking cross wearing the crown of thorns being stabbed in the ribs wasn’t too fun but I really felt bad for the people who had to watch. Suck my dick you fake Jesus IT loser.