ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — A New Mexico man faces multiple charges after police say he was having sex with a woman while driving drunk and crashed, ejecting the woman from the vehicle. The Albuquerque Journal reports () 25-year-old Luis Briones was found with one shoe on and his shorts on inside-out Monday night after he wrecked his Ford Explorer in Albuquerque. http://bit.ly/111Kb8Y Police say Briones’ female passenger was found naked outside the SUV after being ejected. She had deep cuts to her face and head. Authorities allege Briones tried to drive away after the crash and leave his passenger behind, but a witness grabbed his keys from the ignition. He also allegedly tried to hide from responding officers behind a cactus. Briones is charged with aggravated DWI, reckless driving and evading police. No attorney was listed for him.
Well thats what I call one hell of a joy ride. Shitfaced with some naked Mexican woman riding your dick. If I’m the police officer on the scene I’m pulling a Ron Burgandy when he finds out Baxter pooped in the fridge and ate a whole wheel of cheese. I’d be like “You were driving…blacked out…and you were having sex with that naked woman over there? How’d you do that? Heck, I’m not even mad. That’s amazing.” The one time I got road head I could barely keep my shit together. I hit the rumble strip like 3 or 4 times. To be honest the 4th time I drove over it on purpose because the vibrating kinda added to the whole experience, but the point remains – its fuckin hard to get your rocks off and control a vehicle. Add in some booze and turn that blow job into a chick straight up riding you cowgirl and no wonder people ended up bleeding from their face.
I think my favorite part is hiding behind the cactus. You got your shorts on backwards and a halfsie probably poking through your fly, there’s a naked woman bleeding from everywhere, there are witnesses who saw you try to flee the scene, and you’re just gonna sit still behind a cactus hoping they don’t see you. Like the T Rex in Jurassic Park. If you don’t move he can’t see you. Like I said though, you’re not thinking right when you’re doing sexual activity in a car. Everything is cloudy and confusing.
PS – How about those snitches taking the car keys from Luis? Hate those people. “Oh you’ve had 6 beers you can’t drive home! Give me your keys!” “Oh you were getting your dick fucked as you drove a truck into a ditch ejecting a naked bleeding woman into the desert! You can’t drive home! Give me your keys!” Buncha nervous nellies.