Now let me preface my 2013 Oscars All Fuck Team with a quick statement. This team is based on chicks who when I saw them was like “Damn that ho looks fresh tonight. I’d love to fuck the shit out of her” In other words it’s chicks that brought their A games to the Oscars. Played at or above their pay grade. There is no Jennifer Lawrence or Charlize Theron because I thought they both kind of sucked. Don’t get me wrong those two are arguably the two hottest bitches at the Oscars, but neither of them brought their fastball last night. That’s what this Fuck Team is all about. Being your best at the biggest moment.
7. Naomi Watts (It’s all about boob isolation. Like here is my tittie on a silver platter. Deal with it)
6. Catherine Zeta Jones (I don’t care how old she is. When I saw her on the Red Carpet I was like Bitch still got it period. On the flip side I’m not sure Michael Douglas even knew what state he was in)
5. Stacey Kiebler (All I could think about was how much awesome sex her and Clooney must have. Bedroom must be ELECTRIC)
4. Jaimie Foxx’s Daughter (Even Jaimie Foxx couldn’t keep his hands off her which is kind of gross)
3. Halle Berry -(I’m not sure if Halle Berry has a secret cream that no other chick on the planet knows about that makes her skin glisten sex but it was flat glistening sex last night)
1. Samantha Barks – I wikipedia’d this chick and I still don’t know who she is. Just came busting through the door fucking bitches up.
NOT GOOD ENOUGH
Charlize Theron and Jennifer Lawrence simply not good enough. Charlize looks like she just walked off the set of Rocky IV and Jennifer Lawrence look like she took a pumpkin carriage to the Oscars.