I Need A Place To Live In 5 Days And The Clock Is Ticking

First of all, this happened today.

Since November, I’ve been living with Hot Sean at Fordham University. I thought I was going to be living with him again, but he found 3 friends and are living somewhere rich and nice. Roommate of the year some may say. I have 5 days to move out of the Bronx. I damn near might be living in the office for a week (we do have a shower..).

Nobody in the entire office is looking for a roommate. I don’t know if it’s because they are telling the truth, or because I have wet dreams. Either way, I respect it. I will say I’d rather live with someone who has wet dreams than someone who cranks their music to level 50. But what do I know?

So, if you or someone you know is interested in living with me, hit my line. Here are some bullet points on why I’d be a great roommate:

1. I can’t spit game, so I probably won’t have any guests over.

2. I wear headphones when playing PS4 no matter what.

3. If I’m on my phone and you talk to me, I’ll agree with anything you say.

4. People recognize me at bars and buy me shots, but I can’t swallow shots in one gulp so I’ll no look Steph Curry slide them to you.

Here are some bullet points on why you might not want to live with me:

1. I usually shower at 11pm or midnight.

2. I can’t reach above the top shelf so if I can’t put an item back, I’ll leave it on the counter.

3. I sing in the shower and don’t stop until I hit every high note.

Take these as some consideration, but hopefully these are some selling points into letting another insect live inside your place for some time. Hit me up asap, I’ll throw in a $50 merch card too.