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The One Thing We All Learned Is That Drinking Titty Milk Well Past Infancy Is The Key To Survival

robin-arryn-finale

I think we can all agree that the final season of Game Of Thrones left much to be desired. Most of that is probably due to the fact that they decided to just fuck around and try to wrap the whole thing up in 6 episodes. Whatever. That’s neither here nor there.

Because if there’s one thing that this season has taught us, it’s that whoever drinks the most amount of titty milk is going to survive until the end.

Think about it. Over the span of about a few days, the most amount of people were killed in the history of Westeros. You had thousands of men die fighting against the Army of the Dead. Then you immediately followed that up by having thousands and men and women and children die after getting cooked to a crisp by Dany and her Dragon in King’s Landing. Thousands and thousands of people died in a week, but guess who is still alive? That’s right–everybody who has been guzzling down titty milk like it’s a tall glass of water on a hot summer’s day.

First up we have Robin Arryn, who could honestly be the poster boy for titty milk with this transformation.

Oh you think it’s weird that some 10-year-old kid is still gassing boob juice from his mom? Well it’s not so weird anymore now that he’s all grown up and hot, no is it? Didn’t think so. Actually makes me want to start knocking back a few cold ones right now so I can try to get this summer bod ready.

And then of course we had the OG of titty milk himself, Tormund Giantsbane, walking off into the woods with Jon Snow as the very last scene of the series. Pretty sure the water dispenser in Tormund’s refrigerator is actually stocked up with titty milk, and here he was in the very last scene of the entire show.

Pretty much a third of an entire continent was just wiped out and out of the people who survived, two of them just so happened to be the biggest advocates for drinking titty milk well past infancy. Coincidence? I think not. The moral of the story doesn’t have anything to do with power. The moral of the story doesn’t have anything to do with breaking the wheel. The moral of the story here is that if you want to survive, you need to be a breastfeeding adult. And that message came across perfectly clear.

@BarstoolJordie