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Does This Look Like The Face Of A Woman Who Took A Shit On The Floor To Get Back At Her Cheating Husband?

NY Post - A sloshed stripper accused of showing up drunk to work at a jiggle joint in Oklahoma City hit her manager in the face with a billiard ball after getting fired, police said. Ashley Priola, 26, was arrested Tuesday at the Red Dog Saloon on NW 10th Street after throwing a cue ball and a striped No. 12 ball at her manager, Hollie Jones, striking the woman in the bridge of her nose. Priola then fled the strip club billed as Oklahoma City’s “best in adult entertainment” for more than four decades and went to a nearby convenience store, according to an incident report obtained by The Post. Moments earlier, Jones and another woman at the club accused Priola of showing up to work drunk, police said. “After being permitted to attempt to work by dancing on stage, Priola fell down twice,” the report reads. “Jones fired Priola for coming to work intoxicated. Priola grabbed a nearby billiard ball and threw it at Jones, striking her in the face on the bridge of her nose.” A responding officer later found Jones with “significant swelling” to her face and cuts across her nose, as well as under her right eye. Jones’ tank top was also bloodied and her face was swollen beneath her eyes, but she refused to be taken to a hospital, police said. A frenzied Priola then went berserk while en route to the Oklahoma County Jail and offered “all of her money” to an officer if he took her home instead of to jail. “When I refused and told her I was transporting her to jail, she began screaming incoherently and banging her head on the window of my car,” the report continued. “When I arrived in the sally port of the jail, Priola was attempting to kick out the window on my scout car.”

First of all, I’d just like to point out that this is my first “Does This Look Like The Face Of” since 2013. Two thousand thirteen! Back then I wrote “Does This Look Like The Face Of A Woman Who Took A Shit On The Floor To Get Back At Her Cheating Husband?” So now I’m back in the mud writing what I consider to be THE quintessential blog of Barstool Sports. Shout out to Portnoy, credit where credit is due, this template is responsible for literally thousands and thousands of blogs over the years. Anytime you got yourself a mugshot, you got yourself a Does This Look Like The Face Of, and anytime you got yourself a DTLLTFO, you got yourself a good blog.

As for Ashley Priola, I was all prepared to print up “FREE ASHLEY” shirts and picket outside an OKC strip club. I mean if fucking strippers cant show up to work drunk, then who can? The whole point of being a sex worker is that you dont have to conform to the social norms most people face with their shitty cube jobs. You dont have to wear a pants suit. You dont have to go blind staring at Excel all day. And if you got a nice buzz going, not only is it not frowned upon, but you’re probably performing even better. Thats the trade off. You gotta show your asshole to strangers and be OK with guys cumming in their pants while you sit on their laps. But all those 9-5, Monday through Friday work restrictions are out the window.

But then I read that she was falling off the stage. Cant have that babe. Just cant. If I run a strip joint you can come to work as hammered as you want, but you gotta be able to perform. If you can twirl on the pole and twerk that ass and roll that body, then bottoms up. If you can do tricks on stage and entice guys to hit the back room, I’ll buy the drinks for you. But the second you fall off the stage and you’re a sloppy mess, ya done. Dont mistake my kindness for weakness, stripper. And if I give an inch, dont take a mile. You must maintain your ability to exploit the hornies for their money, and to do that you cant be drunker than you are.

Although I gotta be honest, I’d still be interested in hearing her side of the story. Anybody who can snipe their boss in the head with a cue ball and the 12 ball cant be that shitfaced can they? If you’re coherent enough to try to bribe an officer, you’re coherent enough to give me a lap dance. Thats what I’ve always said. Either way, if I’m the competing titty joint down the block, I’m posting her bail and featuring her tomorrow fucking night. Let that girl run WILD on my stage.