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What Would Be Your Basketball Starting 5 Using Only Game Of Thrones Characters?

So we had this question on yesterday’s Game of Stools and I think we put together a pretty good squad on the fly all things considered. The Mickstape guys live for those kinds of questions while Ellie went from twirling her hair to naming the guy that would have been the best basketball coach in all of Westeros.

However, since I have time to think about my person picks, I wanted to put them in a blog. I am breaking things down into traditional positions despite the evolution of the game since Westeros takes place in the medieval times.

*waits for Thrones diehards to stop shaking their fist at the screen in anger*

Okay settle down, I know it doesn’t take place in medieval times since it takes place on another planet. But nonetheless, here is my starting 5.

Point Guard: Ygritte

Ygritte’s been gone for a while, but I still remember just how slippery and quick she was not to mention being extremely coachable and a sharpshooter that wasn’t afraid to take a big shot. Pretty much a wildling Steph Curry.

Shooting Guard: Podrick Payne

I’m putting Pod on my team as the glue guy because he’s just so fucking likable. Every successful team has a player who everyone can talk to and I’m pretty sure Pod is that dude in Westeros. He also has a magic dick that probably gives him irrational confidence a la JR Smith, so Pod’s the pick here.

Small Forward: Arya Stark


I know it looks like I am playing the smallest of small ball with this team by putting Arya Stark at the 3. But I’m not. Small forward is a swingman position and who is a better swingman than someone that can assume the identities of a billion different dead people whose faces she has? With those different faces comes a different set of talents depending on the person. Does this mean Arya is a Monstar? I believe it does except she not only killed death while exhibiting the clutch gene but also occasionally wears its face, which means she’s the Durant to Ygritte’s Curry.

Power Forward: The Hound

That quote says it all right there. I am finally going to embrace size here since Arya is going to be a 5 foot small forward until we know what kind of adjustments need to be made and she changes into another person. I’ll be honest, I just really fucking like The Hound and think having a guy that does the dirty work without complaining is more important than some flashier guys. Charles Oakley is my favorite power forward ever and The Hound is my team’s Charles Oakley.

Center: Ser Brienne of Tarth

I know Wun Wun, The Mountain, or Hodor seem like no-brainers for this spot. But this isn’t the 1990s, 2000s, or even early 2010s NBA. This is 2019. If Roy Hibbert was deemed useless in today’s NBA, what would a giant with no perimeter game and slow feet be considered? Brienne has the size and strength of every knight in the Seven Kingdoms yet the footwork to make her one of the best killers in the show. She is pretty much Dwight Howard in his early Orlando days before the NBA life turned him inside out. I’m not sure if sleeping with Jaime will send her down the same path, but it is definitely a concern I am already worrying about.

As with everything on Barstool or Thrones-related, there are going to be PLENTY of disagreements. So I created a form for Stoolies to make their own starting 5. We are going based off of all-time characters since George RR Martin’s twisted brain has left us standing in a pool of blood from the last 8 seasons. But since we are doing that, there are like a zillion Game of Thrones characters to choose some, so I pared it down to the 70 or so “bigger” characters from the show that fit into a potential basketball team.


Click here to vote if you are on the app since hitting the Submit button won’t work on Barstool’s “technology”.

You can listen to the entire Game of Stools episode that led to this nonsense on iTunes or Spotify.