Bruce Willis' First Pitch At The Phillies Game Makes Him Look Like A Little Bitch

I know people are comparing Bruce Willis’ first pitch and mine so I need to address it especially since my cohost shit down my neck…. needlessly. First of all, I would show you my opening pitch if I could find it. I cant seem to get the video anywhere I look so let me describe it to you instead.

My pitch was low and with lots of movement. I fucking Greg Maddox’ed that thing in there. If I had to guess, 47 on the gun. Sure it went to the dirt but that’s exactly what the catcher called for. He was like, “the count is 0-2. You’ve been giving them the heat your whole life. Dont give him anything to hit. He’s gonna be sitting high heat so go with the low and slow. We call that the BBQ pitch where I’m from. That exactly what I did. Maybe I should have shaken him of off and no that’s not a sexual term, you sicko.


On the other hand, Bruce was just fucking around and not respecting the game. I find that disgusting. Baseball has been a tradition in this country for thousands of years. Bruce spit on that. As someone who once played a Navy Seal in the cinematic adventure Tears of the Sun or Tears From The Sun (im not sure. I always forget) I expected more out of him.

Sounds like the city of brotherly love did as well.