Sometimes You Just Need To Go On A Good Ol' Fashion Panty Raid
Oregon Live – An Oregon City man was sentenced last week to 30 days in jail after he was captured on video surveillance breaking into a neighbor’s home and stealing underwear from her bedroom last June.
Ronald Reed Caldcleugh, 68, was convicted in Clackamas County Circuit Court on one count of first-degree burglary and one of third-degree theft. One other count of burglary and one count of third-degree criminal mischief were dismissed.
It’s pretty obvious our guy over here is doing absolutely everything he can to hold on to his youth. I mean just look at those glasses he’s wearing. He looks like a sweet old grandma with those frames.
But it’s pretty apparent that Ronald Reed Caldcleugh is going through that 3/4 life crisis. And how can you blame the guy? He’s getting old as shit. Probably realizes that he only has a few more enjoyable years left so he’s just going to ball out for a little and pretend like he’s back in college again. And what did every single movie from the 70s tell us about kids in college?
That’s right. Go on a good ol’ fashion panty raid.
Why bother with the endless hours of pornography that is available for free on the internet when you can just be so goddamn horny that you’d break into another person’s house and steal their laundry? What’s a matter? You never been horny before or something? Pussy.
And now my man gets to spend a quick 30 days locked up in the clink. Which is probably way more exciting than his typical day-to-day life so that almost seems like a win to me. It also gives him a ton of street cred. You have to imagine the day is coming when he gets put away in an old folk’s home. All he needs to do is get a little prison ink done while he’s locked up and he can show up to the nursery home in a few years and pull off a full Heisenberg transformation. Nobody needs to know he got locked up for being aggressively horny.
And the best part of all? 30 days in the clink and then when he’s released, he’s right into summer. Seems like buddy over here has life all figured out.