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The World Is Running Out Of Helium, Which Means Party City And Other Balloon Stores Are Fucked

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NJ.com

New Jersey-based Party City plans to close 45 stores, citing in part a global helium shortage that has cost the company sales of metallic and latex balloons.

Headquartered in Rockaway, the chain has about 900 retail stores in the United States and Canada, including 28 across New Jersey. The company has not announced which stores will close.

“Each year, Party City typically closes 10-15 stores as a part of our prudent network optimization process and in response to ongoing consumer, market and economic changes that naturally arise in the business,” James M. Harrison, the company’s chief executive officer, said in a statement Thursday.

So apparently there’s a global shortage in helium plaguing the planet. That seems problematic, especially for Party City since their entire company’s purpose is to blow up balloons for people. They’re now closing 45 stores in Jersey because there’s no more helium left. Who is to blame? Probably this asshole.

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Realistically he died over the Atlantic and is not around to blame, so we’re left with our hands tied.

Now you’re probably wondering, like me, what else we use helium for besides blowing up balloons. A quick Google search will show you it’s important for MRI magnets, internet and cable TV, mobile phone and computer chips, and airbags in cars. So we’re all actually fucked if we run out of helium. Awesome.

The end of Party City reminds me of the end of Toys R Us and the saddest picture every taken of Geoffrey leaving the store for the final time. I cry every time I see this.

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