Deadspin's Worst Article Ever (?) "Confirms Wrigleyville Is A Terrible Place" Because "It's A Hotbed of Drinking, Debauchery, and Public Urination"
First things first there’s nothing I can add to the Deadspin Wars. They’ve been fought and won. I agree with everything we’ve already said.
Moving on.
Deadspin published an article today that concluded, in no uncertain terms, that Wrigleyville is a terrible place for Cubs games. Their words exactly
Did you know that guys? Did you know a Terrible Place to watch the Cubs play is the Terrible Place the Cubs play? Suck on that logic.
Let’s go to the tape:
To start with, we gathered public data on the number of 911 calls made in 11 of the biggest U.S. cities over the last few years. This includes incidents that might never prompt a police report, like car accidents or assaults where no one was injured—the type of small emergency common on game day, and often dispersed by police without filing any charges.
Then we looked to see if there was an increase in calls on nights or days when a city hosted an NFL, MLB, NHL, or NBA game.
For every city and team combination, we averaged the number of 911 calls made when the team plays at home compared to their road games. In total, we collected information on millions of emergencies for 32 different fanbases in each of the four major sports. And what did we find?
A) your job sucks
2) THIS is the study you’re using to say Wrigleyville sucks? Are you aware Wrigleyville is an actual neighborhood and not in the middle of some fucking concrete desert?
Maybe, maybe not. Honestly I can’t get too mad because I know this is just classic Chicago bait from an outsider to get us all fired up because they know how easy it is to get us pissed off and I won’t let it happen. I won’t let it happen. I won’t let it happen.
Chicago Cubs home games coincide with the biggest increase in the raw number of emergencies of any city/sport combination.
The area around Wrigley Field is a hotbed of drinking, debauchery, and public urination.
And if we zoom in on a map of Chicago’s extra 911 calls, it’s clear that many of the additional emergencies are in the area around Wrigley.
I’m not zooming in on this guy’s map. You can do that on your own time. For now let’s focus on their big ticket CRIME increases.
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#1 Emergency Medical Service - aka the paramedics and newsflash it’s Chicago we send the fucking paramedics EVERYWHERE. That’s blocking and tackling around here.
#2 Disturbance – this one’s conveniently vague but even so, there’s 60+ bars in a mile radius. A lot of people call that fun.
#3 Burglary ALARM – well there’s lots of alarms guys because there’s some pretty nice shit up there. Ever think of that one? Also, burglary alarms? You want me to take you seriously and we’re talking about burglary A L A R M S ?
#4 Car Accident – head on a swivel. Streets are narrow, traffic is ruthless and the Cubs game got out at 4pm. This is such a non issue I can’t believe it’s top 5.
#5 Person Down – WRIGLEY. VILLE.
#6 Well Being Check – only difference between this and #5 is at least in #5 you know you got a man down. Even so YAWN.
#7 Battery – took us 7 line items to get to something TERRIBLE. Nice study.
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This kind of story makes me SAD. To call Wrigleyville TERRIBLE over these reason is to basically admit that you’ve never had fun in your entire life. Even if it’s a guy writing for Deadspin I still kinda feel bad for him because man that would suck to honestly think Wrigleyville is Terrible because you’re afraid to push the envelope and get a little weird.
Whatever. More for you and me.