Welcome to Justice, Florida-Style. Where the standards of jurisprudence, respect for the proceedings and courtroom decorum get curb stomped along with the rule of law when it comes to the relentless pursuit of punishing citizens for their private orgasms.
I’ll mention once again that in my past career I spent 17 years working in a courthouse. And never once did I hear one attorney call another attorney “an asshole” in open court. For sure hundreds of them thought it. But the good ones always acted as if the courtroom was the great civilizing aspect of American society. Where you resolve matters by calling your adversary either by their title or “My brother” or “My sister,” not matter how much you despised them. Because ultimately you are representing your client, whether it’s a homeless guy, a billionaire or the taxpayers. And besides, the ones who lose their shit and start getting all nasty just come across as desperate. Like the facts and the law are not on their side. As much fun as it is to see it happen, it’s a terrible, terrible look and a losing strategy every time it’s tried.
Not to mention, the woman calling the names is completely in the wrong. Not just about the criminality of a handjob. But about what her question was:
Her: “Did you want to finish your answer?”
Witness: “She asked if I’d like to finish. I would like to finish.”
Defense: “Am I mishearing?”
Judge: “I thought she asked if he HAD finished.”
Her: “I DID ask if he had finished.”
I mean … what? Ex-squeeze me? Baking powder? This isn’t witness testimony. It’s a comedy bit. It’s “Who’s on First?” It’s Monty Python’s “The Argument Clinic”:
“I came here for an argument.”
“No you didn’t.”
“Yes I did.”
“No you didn’t.”
“Look, this isn’t an argument.”
“Yes it is.”
Except those didn’t deteriorate into senseless name calling and inappropriate language.
But this is what we’ve come to expect out of Palm Beach County. In a crime-ridden state just overrun with lowlifes – drug rings, gangs, wife beaters, childnappers, killers, rapists and low rent swamp donkeys committing so many heinous acts on a daily basis that America’s Wang has become a national punchline – it’s an attorney defending his 77-year-old client on a misdemeanor charge who gets called “asshole.”
Keep up the good work, State Attorney David Aronberg. You really know how to hire people like yourself. Your dog must be ashamed.