Introducing Metro Vancouver's Newest Mascots, Pee And Poo. The #1 And #2 Mascots In The World
CTV - Metro Vancouver has two new, gross mascots: Pee and Poo.
The two new bodily function-themed mascots are part of the region’s “Unflushables” campaign, geared at raising awareness about what should and shouldn’t be flushed down the toilet. The two mascots, one dressed as a giant turd and the other as a droplet of pee, made an appearance in Waterfront Station on Monday for the campaign launch.
“Our sewage system does not get enough respect,” said Coquitlam Mayor Richard Stewart, in a promotional video. “We really have to, as consumers, understand that what gets flushed doesn’t disappear… we only want people to flush the pee and the poo.”.
I give Pee and Poo about 15 minutes before we get a Buzzfeed listicle titled, “17 Times We Were All Pee And Poo”. So let’s just enjoy these next 15 minutes while we still can.
And let’s get pretty introspective here. Let’s say that you’re a kid who grew up always dreaming about one day becoming a famous mascot. From little leagues to high school to college, you just trained your ass off every damn day to be the best mascot you could possibly be. Unfortunately, being a professional mascot is actually one of the hardest jobs in the world. Because think about it–for every professional sports team, there’s typically only 1 mascot on the roster. You have a better chance at becoming an NFL quarterback than you do to become an NFL mascot, because at least the QB has a couple of backup positions.
So these mascots all have to start somewhere and work their way up, the same way a professional athlete would need to rise through the minor leagues. So let’s say there’s an opening to be one of the two new mascots for Metro Vancouver. It may not be your dream job but you know you need to start somewhere, and you get the job. Would you rather be Pee or would you rather be Poo? Because I think the answer here says a lot about who you are as a human being.
Personally I think that Poo has to be the answer here, right? I mean at least Poo is kind of funny. Nobody is ever laughing about Pee unless somebody Pees their pants. But even then, Pee doesn’t have a ton of humor in it. Poo is undoubtedly the grosser of the two, but that’s kind of what makes it funny. Poo is definitely the star of the show. The only thing that would hold me back from being Poo, however, is the fact that I think it’s a lot easier to end up getting type-casted as Poo than it would be for Pee. Like you can easily move on from Pee and nobody will ever remember that you were Pee in the first place. But Poo? Well that stays in the top paragraph of your Wikipedia page for the rest of eternity. So if you’re fine with being Poo for the rest of your life, then you’re set to go. If you think you’d like to advance your mascot career eventually, though, maybe Pee is the safer choice.
There’s a lot that goes into this. Take it seriously and let me know.
P.S. – I know a lot of people would assume that a Giant Douche and Turd Sandwich video would go at the end here. But instead, I’ll go with one of the more underrated movies in recent history–Mascots.