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Fisherman Find Alleged Russian Military Whale Off Norway Complete With GoPro Mounts

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Fishermen off Norway’s northern coast were astonished last week when they spotted a beluga whale wearing a harness, complete with mounts for a camera.

And according to marine experts, the mammal’s backstory may be even stranger: They believe it was trained by the Russian military.

Fishermen Joar Hesten was the first to encounter the whale, off the coast of Finnmark, a county in northeastern Norway. Hesten then contacted the country’s Directorate of Fisheries.

Jorgen Ree Wiig, a marine biologist at the directorate, told CNN: “The whale seemed playful but our instincts said that it was also asking for help to get out of the harness.”

The harness appeared “specially made,” Wiig said, and bore “mounts for GoPro cameras on each side of it,” while the harness clips read “Equipment St. Petersburg.”

Wiig believes the whale came from Murmansk, Russia, and was trained by the Russian navy. The navy has “been known to train belugas to conduct military operations before,” he said, “like guarding naval bases, helping divers, finding lost equipment.”

CNN has contacted the Russian authorities for comment.

“CNN has contacted the Russian authorities for comment.” Uhhhhh good luck with that one guys. “Hey Putin, care to comment on your escaped War Whale that had cameras mounted to it like some sort of marine Youtuber? Wait the whales whole family has been executed for defecting and blowing the secret that they have 3,500 lb. marine mammals guarding their bases?” GOOD LUCK WITH THAT! These fisherman really did this whale dirty by spreading this shit like they did. This whale came up to them asking for a favor and what do they do? Run to the news. C’mon man, after all the shit Free Willy went through this is how we repay the Cetacean community?

No matter what happens to this Russian defector, the obvious message from this encounter is crystal clear: The United States MUST employ military Orca fleets as soon as possible. We pride ourselves on our military and always having the best weapons, so why are we getting beat off the line in the whale department?

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Belugas are great, but there the baddest dude on the block when it comes to marine mammals and that’s Killer Whales or Orcas. They are absolute units, weighing up to 20,000 pounds and 30 feet long, and have teeth straight out of a nightmare.

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Imagine fighting a war and the other side is sending these things after people? NO THANKS! I also wouldn’t be opposed to some big body whales getting in the mix. Maybe some Humpback and Blue Whales serving as the O-lineman of the battle moving bodies around in the trenches. The rest of the plan I’ll keep to myself, as we don’t want to give away the entire game plan just yet, but the bottom line remains that we NEED to start recruiting whales if we want to compete on a global stage.
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