I Had a Horrible Time at a John Mayer Concert but it wasn’t John Mayer’s Fault

The Monday after Hong Kong 7s weekend with PFT, my significant other dragged me to a John Mayer concert. I REALLY did not want to go. I’m not a John Mayer hater by any means, guy is very talented. If someone throws on a John Mayer song at a party I’m not gonna make a sourpuss face and be like “turn this chick music off bro.” Some of his songs kinda fuck, like this one

and Deadheads seem to think he did as good a job as anyone in filling Jerry Garcia’s shoes when he formed Dead and Company with the surviving members of the Grateful Dead. That’s no easy task. However, I definitely wouldn’t say that I’m a fan either. Can’t recall ever throwing on a John Mayer song when handed the Aux. This is all besides the point tho, the reason I dreaded going was that I knew I would be in no shape to be at a concert after 3 days of heavily drinking (mixed with a little MDMA as the entire world knows by now).

However, my girlfriend seemed in no mood to pull a Trent and attend the concert all by her lonesome so I reluctantly agreed to go (whip crack sound effect). I hoped that come Monday, I wouldn’t be in as rough shape as I expected and even tried to get myself excited by reading one of Trent’s blogs about how incredible John Mayer concerts are.

“The last time Mayer embarked on a tour I went by myself. It was just after I moved to NYC and I trekked alllllll the way out to Holmdel, New Jersey alone to see him at the PNC Bank Arts Center. It was truly amazing. I had never seen him perform live before and it was more than worth the two hour trip out there.” – Trent

Well lo and behold, Monday rolled around and I was in just as rough shape as I thought I would be. You see the thing about Molly, and pretty much any drug, is that the artificial high you get from it is always gonna be followed by an artificial low. With booze it’s a hangover, with MDMA it’s a comedown, with weed its uhhh, not really sure about that one, feeling slightly groggy? So while PFT was able to recover from his comedown on his 16 hour flight back to New York, I was forced to cope with it in the middle of a crowded exhibition center reverberating with the loud crooning of John Mayer. Now I’m sure people who have never had to deal with a comedown will say “that doesn’t sound so bad. I’m sure the soft sensual voice of John Mayer helped lift your spirits.” WRONG. I didn’t have any spirits to be lifted at that point. Besides an intense yearning to be back in my hotel bed finally getting a sober night’s sleep, I just felt completely empty inside. My serotonin levels were at an all time low and I could barely even force a smile. To make a very bad joke,

Trent’s biggest issue with the John Mayer concert he went to was that he didn’t have anyone to make out with during the slow songs:

“The only problem with going to a John Mayer show alone is when he plays Slow Dancing In A Burning Room. It’s a great song, and one of my favorites, but it’s a make out song (despite it being a break up song) when played live. So when he played it literally every one in the crowd started making out with their significant other and I was just toe tappin.” – Trent

Well I had someone to make out with (naawwwt a big deeaaal) and I don’t even remember him playing Slow Dancing In a Burning Room. All I know is that I didn’t kiss my girl the entire concert. Don’t even think it crossed my mind as I was too busy trying to envision my quiet dark hotel room. All in all a pretty depressing affair.

Now this isn’t meant to be an anti-John Mayer concert blog, nor is it necessarily meant to be an anti-drug blog. Just know there is a time and place for everything and John Mayer concert’s are no place for a comedown. Stay safe this weekend guys.

P.S. Big concerts in Asia where you have assigned seats are pretty weird. There was a lady walking around with a “NO STANDING” sign asking people to sit down every time they got up to dance. I was actually pumped about that as I had zero desire to dance at the time but if I had shown up looking to party, that would have been a major buzzkill.