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Blue Jackets in 5, Or Blue Jackets in 6? That Is The Question


I’ve been able to think long and hard about this question for a month now, seeing as that’s how long ago the Blue Jackets swept their series against the greatest team ever assembled, and I just can’t make up my mind. Do the Jackets upset the Bruins in 5 games, or do they do it in 6? I guess it’ll come down to if the city of Boston has any respect for themselves. Do they have any fight? Because I can already see it now….the Jackets heading back to that dump for Game 5, up 3-1, and that facelicker Brad Marchand calls the boys to the center of the locker room. “We’re getting our fahkin asses kicked out there. Win or lose tonight, we’re not going to beat these bastahds back in Columbus. They’re wicked good. And I’m fahkin stahvin. So does anyone else want to just pack it in and go down to Southie and get some nice chowda for suppah?” I mean, this team and this city is the definition of given, not earned. They think that just because they’re an original 6 team, or that LeBron moved out West to open a path for the Celtics, or that their pro-prostitution, anti-air pressure football organization won a couple championships* means that THIS Boston team is owed something. But the problem is that THIS Boston team kinda sucks. And they’re walking around with their chests all pumped out because they just beat a team from a third world country in 7 games. 7 games?? If your first series takes more than 4, you should be kicked out of the playoffs. Regardless, at the first sign of adversity, this Bruins team will fold up like a cheap suit. And I can tell you that there will be adversity, because they’re going up against a clearly better hockey team. The proof is in the pudding.


You guys know that I am not one to make excuses, so I’m barely even going to talk about this. But it must be noted that Nutivaara was injured from a dirty hit last series, Ryan Murray hasn’t played since Feb. 19th, and our deadline pickup Adam McQuaid is out, too. And I certainly don’t want that to be the narrative if we do happen to lose this series, but it is only fair to mention that we’re playing shorthanded here. Against a Boston team at full strength. But I do think that if the Blue Jackets are able to overcome their injury situation, I think they pick the number of games this series lasts. 4? 5? 6? Sounds like the number of years in a row the Cavs have knocked out the Celtics. But regardless, now is not the time to focus on any other sports or any other games. It’s time to focus on tonight: Game 1.


Do I think the Jackets come out and win Game 1? Yes, absolutely. But I could also see the Bruins stealing one at home tonight. Especially as the Blue Jackets have to shake off that month-long rust they’ve accumulated just sitting around waiting for the Bruins/Leafs pillow fight to end. I will say this though: do not let the Jackets flip the home ice back to Columbus. Dave Portnoy has proven that he does not have what it takes to win in Columbus, so if the Bruins want to knock off the new greatest team ever assembled, they better do their job at home. I can’t believe it’s only Game 1 and it’s already a must-win for Boston. And Game 2 for that matter. Two must-wins in a row right after two elimination games in a row? These little hearts, littler brained, and allegedly racist Boston fans can only take so much! And I heard they are already VERY NERVOUS.


Don’t let the Jackets win tonight. But if they do, I understand why because they clearly are going to have to shake off some rust from their long layoff. One of the spoils of being so good.

Series Prediction: Jackets in SIX