Columbus Newspaper Runs An Article Trying To Explain Hockey To All Their New Bandwagon Fans

Vs.

From Today’s Columbus Dispatch

As the squad prepares for its first-ever second-round playoff series (Game 1 against the Boston Bruins is Thursday), we want you to be ready, as well. For those new to town — or those who are finally ready to hop on the Blue Jackets’ bandwagon — here’s an A-to-Z primer on both the team and the sport:

B: Bob and Bread. The Jackets’ two best-known players: “Bob” is short for goaltender Sergei Bobrovsky; “Bread” is a nickname for forward Artemi Panarin, given to him because his last name is pronounced like the Panera Bread franchise.

C: Chiclets. Hockey term for teeth, generally used in association with a player losing several in a fight or by being hit with a puck.

D: Drop the gloves. Designates two or more players fighting after shaking off their padded gloves so they can land actual punches.

H: Hat trick. When a player scores three goals in a game. Fans throw hats on the ice to celebrate.

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I: Icing. No, it’s not edible; it’s a rather confusing violation when a team passes the puck, untouched, from its own end all the way down the ice past the goal line of the opponent, who is the first to reach it.

So round 2 of the NHL playoffs start tonight and who could have predicted the four teams that would be left in the East? The Long Island/Brooklyn Islanders, The Carolina Hurricanes, The Columbus Jackets and the Boston Bruins.

One thing is not like the other. That’s right the Bruins are the only Original 6 team left in playoffs. They are the only major market team left in the playoffs. They are the only city where hockey truly matters. Half the people who live in Columbus and Carolina probably don’t even realize they have a hockey team. I mean the major newspaper in Columbus literally ran an article telling people what icing, hat trick and dropping the gloves mean. And for as much as Frankie loves to talk about how crazy the Nassau Coliseum the good people of Long Island didn’t even vote to build a new stadium. Just the thought of any of these 3 teams in the Stanley Cup finals puts me in an instant comatose. So if you like hockey and if you want to see this great sport of ours grow you have to be rooting for the Bruins here. Without Boston nobody will even know the Stanley Cup finals existed.