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Jeff Goldblum Modeling 1.6 Inch Short Shorts For Prada Makes Me Want To Chop My Dick Off

Source – Legendary fashion houses Prada, Fendi and Missoni, as well as It labels Off-White and Jacquemus, all debuted men’s short shorts for Spring 2019. When describing her shorts-centric collection, Miuccia Prada went so far to describe the ultra-leggy pieces as “miniskirts for men.”

And actor-turned-fashionisto Jeff Goldblum is among the first high-style guys to rock them off the runway.

He was recently featured wearing two different pricey Prada pairs — an $838 white jersey set and $792 daring denim duds — in Dazed magazine’s “The Meaning Of Cult” issue. It’s worth noting that the inseams of those shorts are a teensy 1.6 inches and 2.4 inches, respectively, according to measurements on Matches Fashion.

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Look, I’ve always been a big Jeff Gloodblum fan. I’ve loved him ever since he broke onto the scene via jeffgoldblumwatchesyoupoop dot com. He was great as Ian Malcolm in Jurassic Park and killed it in Deep Cover. Admittedly, I’m not a fashion guy so I don’t know how much my opinion counts, but these photos make me want to chop my dick off. Just a complete disaster from the top down. Not to mention the shorts cost almost ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS. ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS for a pair of shorts with a 1.6 inch inseam that does nothing for you bulge. I hate to sexualize him, but where did it even go? Did he tuck? Does he watch Ru Paul. I’m honestly impressed. You’d think at least the balls would hang down given his age, but they’re MIA too.

Whatever. My general rule of thumb is that shorts on a guy should be no shorter than the tips of their fingers IF they have the legs for it. Not too hairy, not too smooth, not to skinny, not too fat. The legs need to be the equivalent to Leo Dicaprio’s face in his prime: perfect. Other than that, cover them up. The only exception is if you’re gay. Then you can wear whatever you want.

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PS: Kate and Ellie said they think Jeff Goldblum is hot because of his “confidence.” Apparently it doesn’t matter if you have the face of big bird as long as you’re confident, which is great news for me. Also, this isn’t a hit piece on Jeff Goldblum, I just hate his shorts. Thanks.

PSSSST. Kate here. Pat asked me to read over this blog & I did & I hated it so I’m sneaking this in at the bottom. I’d let Jeff Goldblum smother every crevice of my body in BBQ sauce even if it was strongly vinegar based. Pat is wrong & this blog is wrong.