Cue the Duckboats | Championship Collection for Banner 18SHOP NOW


Chris Christie Secretly Got Lap Band Surgery, Has Already Lost 40 Pounds

NY Post – New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie secretly underwent lap-band stomach surgery to aggressively slim down for the sake of his wife and kids, he revealed to The Post last night. The Garden State governor agreed to the operation at the urging of family and friends after turning 50 last September. He told The Post he was thinking of his four kids and how it was time to start improving his health when he decided to have the procedure. “I’ve struggled with this issue for 20 years,” he said. “For me, this is about turning 50 and looking at my children and wanting to be there for them.”  He also insisted that, contrary to what observers may say, the effort to slim down was not motivated by thoughts of a presidential bid. “It’s so much more important than that,” he said. “A week or two ago, I went to a steakhouse and ordered a steak and ate about a third of it and I was full,” he said of his newly tamed appetite. He declined to say how much he lost, but sources said he has already shed nearly 40 pounds. “I know it sounds crazy to say that running for president is minor, but in the grand scheme of things, it was looking at Mary Pat and the kids and going, ‘I have to do this for them, even if I don’t give a crap about myself,’ ” he said.

Well this is it, folks. The beginning of the end. If you’re a lovable fat man, getting skinny is the worst thing you can do. It ruins your whole vibe. Changes who you are. Potentially ruins your career. Look at Rex Ryan. Dude was fat as fuck and knocking on the door of the Super Bowl. 2 AFC Championship games at 350 pounds. Shed 100 pounds and now his head coaching career is basically over. Jonah Hill burst on to the Hollywood scene as the fat fuck with the Jew fro in Superbad and Forgetting Sarah Marshall and Knocked Up and all those other great movies. Then he got all skinny and looked like a fucking human bobblehead. Everyone immediately hated him so he got fat again.

Now Governor Christie is making the same mistake. You can’t be the loud, boisterous, don’t-give-a-fuck New Jersey governor if you’re a skinny little twirp. He gets away with all his antics because people are like “Thats just Fat being Fat.” Mark my words this could be the end of Chris Christie. He can survive Hurricane Sandy. He can survive losing the election for Mitt Romney. He can’t survive losing weight.