This Insanely Fat Sea Lion May Singlehandedly Empty Out The World's Oceans

HOLY CHONK. Big Country. There’s gotta be 3-5 types of pickup trucks that weigh less than this house with flippers. Scientific name – Absoulutus unitus. This thing is more intimidating than the Mafia. Look at him collecting his tax like its nothing. You see the way he’s sitting there just shaking these guys down like its nothing? He was about 5 free fish away from eating this fisherman for lunch just to teach him a lesson. God forbid they don’t catch anything one day and this thing comes and shows up at their house to “Say hello to his old lady”. You just have to do whatever the hell he wants and hope he’s feeling merciful that day.

If you’re wondering what the hell kind of giant animal this is, you’re in luck. We live in the age of the internet and you can immediately find out that this is a South American Sea Lion and that they are one of the fattest animals you have ever seen. Take a look for yourself!

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These things are icons for body positivity everywhere. Just rocking with what they got and making it look great. As long as they don’t get aggressive and try to murder us like the video of that little girl getting YANKED into the water a few years ago, we should be alright.

A few years ago I made this video of some Elephant Seals I filmed with my drone with music by Seal dubbed over it and thought it was going to go super viral. It currently has 247 views so I don’t know if that qualifies for setting the internet on fire but you win some and you lose some.