A Knight’s Tail (NSFW GoT Blog)

I’ll start by saying I am certainly a fan of HBO’s Game Of Thrones but I am not obsessed with it.

It’s the type of show I would be more than happy to NOT watch every week, but would jump at the chance to binge a 6 episode season somewhere down the road if I wasn’t so sure there will be endless spoilers on every-little-thing that transpires in this final season on every media outlet known to man.

As a result, I watch it right when it airs, and I watch it one episode at a time… Like a fucking poor person.

That being said, I sat on this blog for an extra couple of days just so everyone could get caught up on GoT, and now is the part where I should mention SPOILERS AHEAD for those who haven’t watched Episode 2 of Season 8 yet.

I don’t think any blog I write resonates with the handful of people who choose to read it, but this one has all the trappings of excluding people who don’t watch the show, and for that, I am truly sorry. However, this will not be a deep dive from someone who has either read the books or pores over each episode with a fine tooth comb.  I leave that up to the pros…

This is more of a Game Of Thrones blog for the casual fan, I suppose.

This week, two things happened while the rest of the cast sat around experiencing the Sunday Scaries before the inevitable epic battle they were about to participate in the next day:

1) Arya got laid.

2) Brienne got knighted

I am going to chat a bunch about that second thing, just because I find Brienne’s lumbering warrior character exponentially more intriguing than Arya’s little assassin.  Perhaps that is just a case of “units respecting units” , plus I always gravitate towards people with whom I could someday share a sweatshirt (or fur coat) if need be.

TBH, it’s the basis of my friendship with Willie Colon…

Anyhoo, Brienne gets knighted by the formerly handsome, Jamie Lannister, making her now Sir Brienne of Tarth.  At least I think female knights are still called “Sir”… I was about to Google it but decided I didn’t need to be historically accurate when talking about a show that revolves around dragons, incest, and ice zombies.

Anyhoo again, B gets knighted and her back-and-forth eye fucking with Tormund before and after her ceremony continued a multi-season tease for a potential sexual encounter that would be downright fascinating to watch.

There are 2 things I desperately want out of GoT before the season ends:

1) I want to see that Clegane Bowl between the 2 brothers- The Hound and The Mountain.

2) I want to see Brienne and Tormund fuck.

I hope the former is still on the table, but the latter seems less-and-less likely.

Instead, we got Arya’s dalliance which has been picked apart already. I will not pile on to the host of people that found the youngest Stark’s nudity off-putting, but I will say that scene with the little girl and her blacksmith friend could not hold a candle to the irresistible cock meets immovable vagina scenario that would’ve been Tormund vs Brienne.

(the trickle of blood at the end of that GIF was a tad over-the-top)

I had met the actress who plays Brienne briefly years ago at an event in midtown Manhattan for Tiffany’s, and I was floored by how attractive she was.  Perhaps that was because I had only seen her prior in a bulky suit of armor, so her comps were very low.  Either way, the actress, Gwendoline Christie, is an attractive young lady who also happens to be 6’3″.

And much like me, Gwendoline carries her bigger frame very well, insists on keeping her pubic hair at a minimum for photo shoots, and has surprisingly small nipples.

I think I could’ve gone even smaller on those red stars, TBH.

You can see I titled this blog A Knight’s Tail because obviously Brienne is now a knight, and here she is… All nude and stuff.  If I called it A Knight’s Tiny Nipples, I feel it would’ve been too clickbait-ish.

Another quick GoT observation… There aren’t many black people in The Seven Realms.

I did a search of Game Of Thrones cast members, and out of the 55 pictures that immediately popped up, only 2 were people of color… AND both of those characters are slaves… AND they are dating.

I am talking about Missandei and Grey Worm, and the fact that the uncomfortably attractive actors that play them both come from Afro-Caribbean descent.

You know me… I don’t like to stir the pot.  But I think the fact the 2 main black characters within a cast of hundreds are conveniently slaves and even more conveniently romantic interests does not get enough attention. If there were only 2 midgets in the ensemble and they were both circus-folk who just happened to be banging, we wouldn’t hear the end of it.

And while we are talking about make-believe racist scenarios that only I see, you ever notice how the bad guys are conveniently (third time I used “conveniently” in 3 sentences) named WHITE walkers? How come nobody raises a stink about that? They might as well be named the WHITE PRIVILEGE walkers and have them descend on Winterfell in BMW 3 series sedans while brandishing sharpened lacrosse sticks.

And we all* agree the creators of this show could never get away with calling them Mexican walkers, even though thousands are allegedly invading our borders as we speak (depending on which news channel you watch).

Also, of course, BLACK walkers wouldn’t fly unless they somehow managed to give them a comedic angle. Perhaps make them JIMMY WALKERS and have them breach the castle wall using only…

And finally, there’s the low-hanging-fruit of calling Irish ice zombies JOHNNIE WALKERS, but that seems to have been tackled already.

Either way, there’s my recap from this week’s episode of Game Of Thrones… Enjoy the battle this Sunday.

Take a report.

-Large

* I said “we all” agree on the Mexican walker-thing, but I know it’s mainly me.

** Obviously, I really don’t believe this show is racist at all… I just like to poke fun.  However, after finishing up the blog and scouring the web for pictures and GIFs, I came across quite a few earnest articles written by people who are outraged by the racism in the storyline and casting of Game Of Thrones.  Those same people probably HATE me… Fuck them.

*** That final cartoon GIF is by someone I never heard of named Eran Mendel, and he (or perhaps she?) does similar GIFs after most episodes… Look them up, if you have the time.  They are very clever.

TAR

-L