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New Study Confirms That We All Lie To Avoid Going Out With Friends

VICE - Last week, the US Bureau of Labor Statistics released the American Time Use Survey, an annual look at how people spend the precious minutes of their short lives. Mostly, people sleep (almost nine hours a day on average), work (just under eight hours on days they work), and watch TV (a bit under three hours). A scant 41 minutes of each average day are spent socializing in person with other humans, a number that’s fallen by 9 percent over the past decade.

Maybe something darker is at play here: Maybe Americans aren’t hanging out because we’re all hiding in our apartments and inventing elaborate lies about why we can’t come out. That’s the conclusion of a recent study by something called Yelp Eat24. “It may be that FOMO—the Fear of Missing Out—has run its course, as a new survey identifies the power of POMO… the PLEASURE Of Missing Out.”

According to the study, almost 30 percent of people are disappointed by nights out, more than a third are stressed out and anxious by them, and hangovers and arguments are also common side effects. So it’s no surprise 80 percent of people “admit to having made excuses to avoid going out,” a.k.a. lying to your friends so you don’t have to see them.

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Nothing like pulling out the “family party” card to avoid having to hang out with close friends at fun places. Either that or you do go out, post a couple snapchats to let your 29 followers know, then Irish-good-bye before your Uber Pool can even tell you he’s there. Hopefully I haven’t been pandering too much to the Baby Boomers here, but all the lies have to do more with being a bum than with being anti-social. As much as I want to accept your invite to a White Sox vs. Royals Tuesday night game, I don’t want to be a pile at work the next day. “Don’t let your tonight ruin your tomorrow!” Kinda hard when you’re quietly dry-heaving in the employee bathroom all day. We’ll see who’s screaming YOLO then.

But instead of being honest with you, we’re telling you an innocent family member of ours just died again so that you’ll still invite us out next time. Everyone wants to get asked to prom but no one wants to dance. I’m aware I’m part of the problem with millennials – I’d drive into a tree if Maps told me to and have mild depression due to growing up middle-class constantly surround by loved ones. But I’m not going to tell you I’d rather stay home and suck my dab pen off instead of “catching up” over lunch with you. That’s not making anybody’s day better. So instead I’ll hit you with some fiction so weird you won’t even question it. It’s called lying to keep from hurting the ones you love.