Ryan Fitzpatrick Put On A Ton Of Weight This Offseason Because He's An Elite Father And Ate A Ton Of Birthday Cake

In case you didn’t know, Ryan Fitzpatrick actually went to Harvard. Did you see this? Did you hear about this? It’s true. NFL Quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick is a graduate of that small school in Cambridge.

So while we all knew that Ryan Fitzpatrick must be a pretty smart guy to have gone to Harvard, I didn’t realize that he’s actually the smartest human being on planet Earth. But what Ryan Fitzpatrick has done right here is something that professional athletes have been trying to figure out for centuries. Ryan Fitzpatrick just broke the code on how to become a fat dude while playing professional sports, and not get shamed about it.

What are you going to do? Are you going to shame Ryan Fitzpatrick for being a father and having to eat two (2) cakes per birthday for each of his 7 kids? Because that just doesn’t seem right. It’s not like Ryan Fitzpatrick wants to spend his entire offseason eating birthday cake. I’m sure that if it were up to him, he’d be meal prepping some baked chicken, brown rice and broccoli for every meal. But not everybody has that luxury. Especially not when you make the selfless decision to bring more life into this world. Ryan Fitzpatrick has gifted the world with 7 children, and I’ll be damned if he doesn’t stuff his face with cake for all of their birthdays. Heck, he could even celebrate their half-birthdays as well and we wouldn’t be able to shame him over it.

Many athletes over the course of history have blown up in weight. And almost all of them end up getting shamed by the fans and media over their inability to control themselves around food. So for Ryan Fitzpatrick to go out there and pave the way for athletes with a sweet tooth? Well that is something that will forever have a revolutionary impact on all professional sports. If you want to be a professional athlete but also want to get a little chubby, all you need to do is have a bunch of kids and you’ll have a built-in excuse for the rest of your career. What a hero. Lord Thiccness.

@BarstoolJordie