The Internet Is Currently Sucking Pete Buttigieg's Dick Because He Spoke French To A Reporter

Before everyone freaks out, know that this isn’t a political blog. This is simply a blog drawing attention to the fact that Pete Buttigieg, America’s first (popular) openly gay Presidential candidate, spoke French to a reporter and in the process basically shut down the entire internet. Should we be impressed? If we’re judging by the number of people tweeting about the story……

yes. But I’m not. Why? Because his French stunk out loud. Far too many “uhh’s and umm’s” to be considered fluent and that’s coming from a guy who speaks zero French.

I’m not trying to pile it on, but he sounded like he was doing an impression of Jean Girard in Talladega Nights. We need to hold our gay candidates to a higher standard and only give them media attention when they act really gay. That’s what we’ve done in the past and that’s what we need to continue to do in order to maintain the status quo. Force him to play a character. Put him in a French maid outfit then put a camera in his face; that way people will feel comfortable. Maybe have him prepare some crepes while smoking a cigarette and singing that song Lady Gaga sang in the bar at the begining of A Star Is Born.

Anyway, I’ll be speaking French from here on out in order to get the same attention that Pete got for uttering those three sentences. Au revoir, bitches.