Prepare Yourself, Tiger Woods Is Playing In The Final Group At The Masters Tomorrow
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YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!
It’s happening. Tiger Woods is playing in the final group at the Masters tomorrow and that should make you so fucking excited that you almost shit your pants. The man, the myth, the legend will compete for his 15th major alongside Tony Finau and that tough-as-nails son of a bitch Francesco Molinari. This is what we Tiger fans have been preparing for during all of his comebacks and boy have there been a lot of comebacks since the original comeback. Comebacks on top of comebacks on top of comebacks. Each comeback attempt has been filled with varying degrees of success and failure but this is the one we really want, another green jacket. Yes it was great when he won the Tour Championship because it proved to us and (more importantly) him that he could win again but another major would shut every Tiger hater’s mouth for eternity and that’s what we’re looking for.
Before I get too ahead of myself, I do want to point out just how amazing Tiger played today. He started the day a couple shots off the lead, made a bunch of pars in a row then bogeyed #5 and it looked like it might be a weird day but then CAUGHT FIRE after that
A few highlights
Birdie putt on 6 that got him going
His orgasmic approach shot on 7
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His thoughts on it, boom
Birdie putt on 13 after a horrific drive
This shot on 16 gave me a boner
This birdie putt that followed made me cum (which also tied him for the lead at the time)
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Add all those up and you’ve got any extremely strong Saturday 67 which puts him at -11 for the tournament and just two back of leader Francesco Molinari who sits at -13. Tiger needed to have a good third round and that’s precisely what he delivered.
Tomorrow is going to be extremely emotional and it’s not helped by the fact that the tee times are so early. Your head is gonna pop off the pillow and all of a sudden you are going to be thrust into the ups and downs that come with Tiger Woods trying to win a major golf tournament. Drink some water tonight. Maybe order a light dinner and get a good night’s sleep if you can (if you’re reading this at a bar then that ship has likely sailed and it might be a better idea to just stay up all night, drink your way through Tiger’s round and then crash for a few hours before Thrones). Most importantly, throw on a red shirt, hold on for dear life and enjoy the ride.
This is going to be VERY fun.