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Roadrunners Are Frauds

Look at these assholes. No sprinting, legs not moving in a circular motion, ZERO MEEPS. Let alone two meeps. Everything you and I have ever been told about roadrunners is a flat out lie. What a fraud of a bird. I’m starting to give coyotes the side-eye, too. Google is telling me this fraud bird tops out at 20 mph, meanwhile coyotes can clock anywhere from 35-43 mph. What the fuck did Wile E. need all those rockets and traps for if he could just flat out-run that phony in the first place? What’s next, we find out pigs don’t have stuttering problems? Ducks aren’t sassy as all hell? Rabbits don’t have internationally popular catch phrases? I need to lie down, the world around me is spinning. Facts are no longer facts. No one is to believed or trusted moving forward. Fucking roadrunners. One day you think you know them, the next they’re complete strangers. What a world.

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