Here’s a piece of advice from your life coach, Old Balls. If law enforcement is after you and you choose a life of running from John Law instead of turning yourself in, the less social media you do, the better your chances. Just ask my girl Chloe Jones of Pennsylvania:
Chloe Jones, 23, commented on a Facebook post by the Greene County Sheriff’s Office featuring her as one of the county’s most wanted, writing “Do you guys do pick up or delivery??” followed by four crying-laughing emojis. Police say she had failed to appear in court on assault charges.
She then got into arguments with other commenters and claimed she was at a hospital in Morgantown, West Virginia. Police there tracked her down this week, and she was extradited to Pennsylvania. …
The sheriff’s office took to Facebook again to announce her arrest and add that Jones “and her witty comments are taking a hiatus from our Facebook comments section due to the jail not having internet for her to use.”
Look, I totally understand the temptation. I bet half the fun of being on the lam is taunting the cops who are looking for you. I bet the thing that’s keeping the magazine industry in business is fugitives buying them to cut out the letters and mail notes to the investigators trying to hunt them down. But in that situation, social media is not your friend. You’re truly successful Most Wanteds resist the temptation.
I mean, watch “The Highwaymen.” The Feds were chasing Bonnie & Clyde for two years across multiple state lines. And every time they encountered a cop they greeted him with a bullet to the head, not a selfie on Bonnie’s Instagram. Whitey Bulger was on the lam for like 17 years and never once did a Facebook Check-In. “James Bulger is Eating at Panda Palace in San Diego. ‘The Moo Shoo Pork is delish!'” Dr. Richard Kimball shaved off his beard and got lost in the St. Patrick’s Day parade. He wasn’t stopping to post Yelps of the Irish pubs of Chicago.
I suppose I should add that this goes for everybody. No good has ever come from beefing with strangers in the comments section anywhere, especially Facebook. But thinking that somehow your arguments won’t be seen by the very cops whose page you’re posting on is just the worst kind of sloppy, careless criminal behavior. That’s just Evading Capture 101. But maybe Chloe’s just not cut out for life on the run.